Sir by Jessie

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Story Notes: Category: Late-night musings. S/J, Jack POV.

I love the scene in BtS at the end when Sam calls Jack "Sir". You can feel the regret from both of them that this one little word is between them. Anyway, that's where this came from!

Huge thanks to Elise and Carhop for great beta jobs, as well as encouragement. Any mistakes are mine, not theirs. A special hello to all you FITR folks!

I am really bad at writing POV fics, so I hope that this doesn't come out to badly.

Feedback: As an aspiring writer, I would LOVE feedback!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!! Even if it's flames, I'd like to know that someone actually read it! :-)
Email: sg1girl2000yahoo.com

Copyright Jessica Rodgers October 27th 2003

Sir

Sir. It is a military title given to me, one which I have earned with the shedding of both my blood, and the blood of others. But sometimes, when I'm alone simply with my thoughts, like now, I can reflect on how much I wish it wasn't mine.

Three little letters. It's almost impossible to imagine how such a small word can represent such a huge boundary, such a huge line that I'm not allowed to cross. She calls me Sir, a fact for which I suppose I'm grateful, because if she didn't I'd be unable to hide my feelings. I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to take her in my arms. But when she calls me Sir, I remember, and it's like a bucket of cold water splashes on me and we continue our facade that we're okay with how things are. "Sir" represents everything that we can't have, the people that we can't be.

We're not allowed to be Jack and Sam, perhaps because we won't allow ourselves to be. It's not as if alarm bells would sound in General Hammond's office if she called me Jack on downtime, but we both know that it is a line we can't cross. Not because the General doesn't trust us, but because we don't trust ourselves. We're afraid of what would happen if we lowered the barrier, if we allowed ourselves to be friends while trying to resist being something more. Thankfully, we've been able to be just friends, as long as we keep remembering that I'm "Sir", and she's "Major". Anything else would just be far too much, and far too dangerous.

I cherish the memory I have of her calling me "Jonah". It may not have been my actual name, but it wasn't "sir". I suppose that it's a good thing she doesn't call me Jack. If she did, I wouldn't be able to hold back my feelings, because then I'd call her Sam and, just long enough for us to regret it later, we'd forget we couldn't be those people.

I suppose that I was playing with fire all those times I asked her to go fishing with me, but it was the only way I could tell her that my feelings haven't changed while still respecting the line. Perhaps it was unfair of me to put the burden on her, but I knew that she would be stronger than me and say no, and we could go back to our respective ranks with everything the same, except now she would now know that I still cared.

One day, I know that it will be too late. One of us will die, and the other will never know. I pray that we can be Sam and Jack before that day comes. Because if she died, I would die too, along with all my love for her. There, I said the magic word. Love. I love her so much, yet too much is at risk for us to even explore a friendship with our first names. All this trouble, simply because my name is Sir.

The End

End Notes: Feedback is a must!!! sg1girl2000@yahoo.com

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