" She knows."
Two simple words that struck fear into Samantha Carter’s soul, causing her heart to shatter into trillions of tiny, sharp shards.
" She knows."
The two words her brother uttered the moment she picked up the phone and identified herself.
" She knows."
A secret kept hidden, made shameful because of the reaction of everyone else. Something Sam had kept buried deeply inside herself, something she would think about only when she was alone and the longing almost became too much of a burden for her to bear.
" She knows."
Her greatest fear and most painful weakness, known only by a select few and even then had she been forbidden to speak about it to anyone.
" She knows."
The power to change everything. The power to cause havoc in the relationships she treasured and nurtured and guarded so close to her own heart. The secret that could have almost cost the most precious of relationships and closest of bonds known to every living person and creature.
" She knows."
And with those words, the world began to change. The carefully constructed mask of brightest and optimism Sam had worked so hard to perfect began to crumble and fall at her feet.
" Sam? Honey, are you there?"
The receiver slipped from her loose grasp to the floor, the calls unanswered, the resounding thud reverberating loudly in the silent apartment. Sam stared unseeingly into space, harsh and unforgiving tears streaming from her swollen eyelids down her ashen cheeks. Nothing else existed. Nothing but a singular image at the forefront of her mind of a forgotten child, and a distant memory of the night the silent torture she had endured for years began.
~$~
The soft clicking of her heels against the cold and hard concrete was the only comfort she had and she sought it out, concentrating on the sound as she walked the unfamiliar streets. In the distance, she heard the sound of sirens, horns, music, television sets and rowdy drunks. Pulling her jacket around herself even tighter, Sam prayed that they were a long way into the distance.
Salty tears clouded her vision and stung her eyes but she refused to let them have free reign. The earlier tracks that stained her cheeks were the only evidence she had cried before, the only sign, she decided, of her weakness.
It didn’t hurt anymore, not emotionally. She was too busy trying to cling to her anger, knowing that without it, she would break down completely and she couldn’t do that. Not yet, not until she was safe. Her anger was aimed at a lot of people; there was anger towards herself for being so easily deceived. Anger at that *creature*, she could no longer think of him as a human being, whoever he was, for knowing enough about her to fool her and make her believe he actually *was* a friend of her father. Anger at her father for being too self-absorbed and too concerned with his job to care where his seventeen-year-old daughter was. Anger at herself for believing her father would care and worry enough about her to send someone to the party to escort her home. Anger at herself for caring that he didn’t care. Anger at proving all his worries and lectures about the streets being unsafe at night and not trusting anyone you didn’t know to be right after all.
She still didn’t know what possessed her to believe him. He was so convincing, he knew a lot about her. Too much to have picked up in one night. Whoever it was, he had been planning it. And he did know her father, although she was almost certain her father hadn’t sent him to walk her home.
A scuttling noise from behind her startled her, causing her to whip round so fast she almost gave herself whiplash. Nothing. Her eyes scanned the night, searching for something her rational mind told her she had imagined. Her heart rate slowly began returning to normal and she resumed her journey in what was hopefully the right direction, picking up the pace slightly, consciously checking over her shoulder ever now and then.
Hearing the noise again was all the encouragement she needed. Her heart thudding, blood pounding in her eyes, Sam ran blindly, seeking comfort, praying for a familiar sign or building that she could recognise so she knew she was heading in the right way, the way home.
~$~
All but one of the team had arrived. General George Hammond sat at the head of the briefing table, waiting, trying not to show his concern. Major Carter was the member of SG-1 least likely to be late for a debriefing, never mind miss one altogether. He traded looks with General Jacob Carter, who was attending the debriefing to thank SG-1 on behalf of the Tok’ra for their assistance on a recent mission. A ‘thank you’ was a rare occurrence for the Tok’ra, this even Jacob knew, but he suspected the Tok’ra High Council had sent him here so he could take advantage and hopefully spend some quality with his daughter.
The other occupants of the room were also concerned. The Commanding Officer of SG-1, Colonel Jack O’Neill, showed his agitation in a number of ways; drumming his fingers on the table, then he let his brown eyes roam around the room as though he was searching for a clue as to why his second-in-command wasn’t there, more rhythmic drumming of his fingers, running a hand through his greying hair and even more drumming of his fingers on the table top until the glares he got from everyone but Teal’c drove him to doodling on his notepad.
Doctor Daniel Jackson sat studying the pattern of the wood grain on the table. He occasionally looked up to study everyone else’s reactions, and he looked up at least once to glare at Jack when his incessant drumming became too irritating for the usually mild-manners archaeologist. Teal’c was the calmest of the group, although he had been caught by various members of the others glancing up at the clock once or twice.
The shrill ringing of the telephone startled them all. Recovering quickly, General Hammond picked the receiver up from its cradle. " General Hammond?" He barked into the phone.
Discreetly, Jack, Daniel and Jacob paid attention to the phone call, hoping it had something to do with Sam and why she wasn’t there to put their minds at rest. Teal’c, however much he had adapted to the human way of doing things over the years, hadn’t grasped any understanding of subtly and listened with blatant interest.
" Yes. Yes. Okay, I understand. Yes. Thank you." General Hammond hung up the phone and crossed his hands in front of them, resting them on the table as he looked at the group with thinly veiled concern. " Major Carter has apparently phoned in sick. She will be absent for the rest of the week."
An astounded silence fell over them. Sam rarely got sick. And if she did, she would work regardless until someone ordered her to go home. They traded concerned glances and Jacob got to his feet.
" George, something isn’t right," Jacob said in way of explanation, worry evident on his face and in his eyes. " It isn’t like Sam to call in sick, at least without talking to you personally, is it?"
" No, it isn’t." General Hammond nodded in agreement, a slight frown on his face. " I understand your wanting to go and see her, Jacob, but.."
" But I need someone to go with me for security reasons, I know," Jacob finished with a small smile to show their were no hard feelings between the two. The Tok’ra ambassador turned expectantly to Jack. " Are you coming, Jack?"
" Yes, Sir." Jack got to his feet before remembering Jacob wasn’t his CO, even though the man out-ranked him. He was Sam’s Dad, and although that was a scary thought at the moment, especially if a certain female Tok’ra had spread word of a certain confession, he couldn’t just leave because Jacob asked him to. " General Hammond?"
" You have a go, Jack," General Hammond nodded, fighting back a small grin as Jack proceeded Jacob out of the room, apparently more eager to get to Sam than her own father was which wouldn’t surprise him. SG-1 were a close-knit team, and he suspected if they were allowed, the command team of the unit would be even closer. Jacob followed the younger man, a small but knowing grin pulling up the corners of his lips.
~$~
The pillow was her only friend, or that’s how it seemed as Sam buried her head into it, muffling the angry shouts and screams from downstairs. They were coming closer and she knew they knew. The doctor had called and told her father she was pregnant. Gut-wrenchingly bitter tears ran down her cheeks, a torrent of salty water absorbed into the already wet pillow.
" Samantha? Open this door right now!" Her father shouted. She heard him try the door handle and tried to sink further into the bed. " Samantha Leigh Carter, you better open this door or on the count of three, I’m coming in anyway!"
Shaking violently, Sam got out of bed, unsure of whether she was shaking because she was scared of her father, or she was shaking with the memories of what had happened to get her like this. She didn’t want to tell him the truth, she was too ashamed. He’d be so disappointed in her, disappointed that his daughter couldn’t look after herself. She flicked the lock on the door and turned her back on it, walking over to her bed and sitting down, preparing herself for the reprimand that was going to come.
Jacob Carter stormed into the room, his son on his heels, fully prepared to give his daughter a dressing-down for being so careless and irresponsible. The sight of her curled up on her bed, shivering uncontrollably stopped him cold. When she looked up with red-rimmed eyes and tears still leaving angry trails down her pale cheeks, Jacob felt his heart break. His anger and disappointment aside, he owed to his wife, to the woman who had given him his daughter, and to his daughter, who served to remind him of her mother in attitude as well as looks, to hear her out. His instinct’s told him Sam wouldn’t have been so careless, and looking at her, every nerve in his body told him something was wrong.
" Sammie?" Cautiously, he walked over to the bed and sat down beside her, pain flaring in his eyes as she flinched from his touch when he reached out, as if she were afraid he was going to hurt her. " Oh, baby, what happened?"
Her bottom lip trembled as her teeth bit into it. She tried to restrain herself from bursting into more tears and blurting the whole thing out, but one look in her father’s eyes, realising they were dark with concern for her and seeing the love in them, love for *her* that she hadn’t noticed before, proved to be her undoing. Sam let him take her into his arms and wept like someone with a broken heart. Through her tears, she managed to choke out what had happened to her on that night, telling her father everything, including the things she hadn’t even been able to confront by writing in her journal.
Jacob felt anger rise within him but quashed it, knowing that wasn’t what she needed. She needed his love, and his support, not his anger and certainly not the indescribable guilt he was engulfed with. Thinking back over the last few months, as he held his daughter, rocking her in his arms, he thought of all the telltale signs that he had either ignored or chose to forget when something else had come along to occupy his attention. The fact she wore long clothes, covering as much skin as possible, the fact she had been sullen throughout his lecture when she arrived home after curfew, and that the only thing she had seemed concerned with after he had scolded had been taking a long shower. He remembered now that she had locked herself in the bathroom for over two hours, and that when he’d bumped into her in the hallway, her skin had been red. She hadn’t been eating, and recently, she’d been sick. She had come home straight after school, unless needing to go to the library, but as far as he could tell, she hadn’t been out with any friends since the incident.
Mark, her older brother, stood in the doorway, letting her sobbed confession sink in. His fists clenched at his sides and his eyes narrowed. He had never felt so angry towards someone in his whole life. Despite the fact the relations in the Carter household hadn’t been the same since their mother had died, Mark and his father, although they were at each others throats most of the time, always tried to put on a friendly front for Sam’s sake, out of love for her and love for the woman she missed deeply but who’s place she had began to fill. She looked after them in the way her mother had done, and the thought that someone could hurt her this much and reduced her to such a state of distress that seemed foreign on her filled Mark with rage. The only thing that stopped him from leaving the house and trying to find whoever did this to her was the look in his father’s eyes. It was something Mark had never seen before, fear. And that alone had the power to keep him there, telling him that the worst was yet to come.
~$~
" Sam? Honey, are you home?" Jacob called out, an urgent tone in his voice, for the third time as Jack knocked on the door again. " Sam?"
The only indication they weren’t talking to an empty apartment was the slight shuffling they heard moments before the lock clicked. Jacob opened the door when he heard the shuffling move away from the door, and found himself staring into a darkened apartment, his alarm growing as the dark figure he assumed was his daughter sat back down on the couch wordlessly, and seemed to curl up into herself.
He held the door open for Jack when he saw the uncertainty on the younger man’s face, letting Jack know he was wouldn’t be intruding if he joined father and daughter. Once the door was shut, Jacob turned on the light and faced Sam, unprepared for the shock of seeing her pale and pained face, with red eyelids swollen from crying. Her haunted eyes followed him as he crossed the gap between them and sat beside her on the couch.
" Sammie? What’s wrong, sweetheart?" Jacob wrapped an arm around her but she recoiled back, shifting slightly away from him. " Honey?" The hurt etched on her face was reflected on Jacob’s and Jack thought it might have shown on his as he sat down warily on the chair opposite them.
Time passed, adding distance between them as no one spoke, the atmosphere in the apartment tense and sombre. " She knows." When she spoke, almost an hour after they had entered her apartment, her voice was hoarse and broken, barely above a whisper, sounding like it was painful to speak.
The statement, obviously painful to Sam, meant nothing to Jack, and only served to confuse him as he looked at Jacob, hoping for some clarification, raising a questioning eyebrow. He watched the emotions filter across the old man’s face, seeing him age before his eyes. Jacob’s expression went from blank, to horrified, to sympathetic pain in a matter of seconds.
Sensing even more tension thicken the air, Jack shifted uncomfortably and wiped his sweaty palms on his trouser legs. He cleared his throat; his eyes locking with Sam’s suspiciously bright blue eyes as he spoke, feeling his heart begin to ache at the sorrow in their depths. " I.. Should I go and wait outside? Give you some time alone..?"
" I.. Maybe you should stay, Jack," Jacob murmured as he buried his face in his hands. " Or maybe we should both go."
" No." Sam shook her head and looked at her father, biting back a fresh batch of tears that threatened her. " No, Dad. We need to talk about this." Her voice was quiet, and undeniably sad. Jacob nodded and tentatively reached out for her hand, relief flooding his eyes when she let him. " I need you." She whispered softly, tearing her eyes from Jack’s to her father’ s, letting him see the raw emotion in them.
Nodding, Jacob mutely pulled her into his arms, and held her close as she trembled, tears continuing to fall because she simply lacked the energy to fight them. Jacob had no words of comfort to tell her, nor was the time right to explain the situation to Jack, but he cast a look in Jack’s direction similar to the one he had given his son all those years ago. Sam was hurting, and she was going to need them both before it was over.
~$~
Grumbling, Sam got out of bed, swaying slightly until she regained her balance, her swollen abdomen not something she had grown accustomed to. She moved slowly over to the window, staring out over the deserted beach. They had moved shortly after news of her pregnancy broke, to another military base, somewhere a little less busy, somewhere quiet. She knew, rationally, that her father had done it to be thoughtful, and keep her away from prying eyes but she couldn’t help but think he had also done it because he was ashamed. He didn’t want people to know his daughter had got pregnant at such a young age.
Sighing, she carefully dressed into a light summer dress, one of the only things she could wear at the moment without feeling as though it was going to burst at the seams. She trudged down stairs, feeling more and more like an elephant with every step she took, one hand going to her back to rub the knot she felt building there.
Her father wasn’t in the kitchen, and she couldn’t hear any signs of life in any other room in the house so she assumed they were either still asleep, or one or both of them had stayed out. If the latter were the case, no doubt her father and brother would be at each other’s throats the moment they got back. Ever since they had found out about her condition, and had supported her idea of having the baby instead of an abortion, they had made it an unspoken rule that one of them would be there for her whenever she needed them. It was nice, at first. She found it comforting to know they were supporting her. Her father had even bought her a phone so she could call them if she needed them. They still had their arguments, of course, but she knew they were trying their best to have them when she wasn’t there to be a witness, which was a very welcome change. Sighing again to herself, she started to fix breakfast, relieved the morning sickness had passed, craving pancakes. She wasn’t sure what she’d have with them, if Mark had been there, she would have indulged in one of the cravings she’d had over the months that had made her brother pale and wrinkle his face up in disgust as she chewed away merrily on one of her mysterious concoctions.
Lost in her thoughts, wondering if she would manage bringing her child up alone or if her father was right, and the best thing to do for her baby’s sake was allow someone to adopt it, a ghost of a smile played on her lips as she felt it kick again. Boy or girl, she hadn’t wanted to know. She wasn’t wishing for either, all she wanted was her baby to be healthy and then she could think about finding a name and deciding what she should do. She already loved it, deeply, and the thought of giving it away hurt more than she thought possible. A dull ache originated from her chest at the thought. But if she was determined to do the right thing by her child, and if that meant giving him or her to a family that could give it everything it needed and could possibly want, then she would find it somewhere within her to do so.
Her musing was cut short as a sharp stabbing pain sliced through her, from her back, circling round to her front. She cried out, dropping the bag of flour, gripping the bench as the pain subsided. Shaking her head, she repeated her new mantra over and over in her head, ‘I am not in labour, I am not in labour’.
Two hours later, the pancakes forgotten as she sat on the cold tiled floor of the kitchen, Sam knew her mantra was wrong. The pains kept coming, and although they were still quite a way apart, they were growing stronger and more intense, and the fear building within her made it impossible to recover long enough to call for help.
~$~
After a long time of just holding his daughter, Jacob heard the faint rumbling of her stomach. Grinning faintly at her, he excused himself and went to get something for her to eat, purposely leaving her alone with Jack.
Hesitantly, Jack moved over to sit beside Sam, casually putting an arm along the back of the couch, giving her the choice whether to accept his support and comfort or not without putting them in an uncomfortable position. He was pleasantly surprised when she shifted to sit closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, and his arm instinctively wound it’s self around her shoulders, drawing her closer as he rested his cheek on the top of her blond head. He was amazed at how right it felt to be holding her like this and, for a second, he gave into temptation and momentarily forgot Jacob Carter was in the next room, allowing himself to savour sharing this embrace, this moment, with her, no matter how brief it was.
" You want to know what’s going on, don’t you." It was a softly spoken statement rather than a question but he nodded imperceptibly anyway. He didn ’t say anything, leaving it entirely up to Sam how much she confided in him, giving her complete control in a thoughtful approach that she appreciated. Slowly, sounding unsure of herself, Sam began in a small voice. She told him how she was raped when she was barely a child herself, and that she had become pregnant as a result. She explained how she didn’t believe in abortion and had kept the child, becoming more and more attached to it as the months wore on. Her voice cracked and the calm control she had temporarily managed to use to reign in her emotions disintegrated as tears she didn’t know she had left began to fall.
Jacob returned half way through her story, but lingered in the doorway, watching and listening, as his daughter confided more in Jack than he had heard her confide in anyone. His own eyes grew cloudy as he heard her talk of the fear she had experienced at the labour, and how devastated she had been to realise the only thing she could offer her child, her daughter, was love, and that love simply wasn’t enough. He watched as Jack comforted her, witnessing him tenderly wipe away her tears as she finished, explaining how friends of the family had adopted her daughter, named Bryony after much deliberation, so she had been able to be a part of Bryony’s life but now Bryony knew the truth, she was afraid she’d lost the relationship they had once shared.
It saddened Jacob to know his daughter had finally found someone she could trust completely, someone he knew she loved and who loved her back, but that she had found it in someone she couldn’t be with. The mutual attraction, respect and love shared between Sam and Jack had gone unnoticed by many, but most of those who saw it and could use it against them chose not to. As he watched them, seemingly lost in their own world, where the two of them were the only people who existed, he wondered if there was possibly a way he could help them.
He approved of Jack, more than he had before of someone who was interested in his daughter, mainly because it was clear Jack loved her too much to intentionally hurt her, and that his feelings for her were genuine. Jacob himself had seen Jack’s protective streak come out in force when Sam was involved, and he had witnessed the easy flirting between them, as well as having noticed with bemusement that since realising his feelings for Sam, Jack had taken to calling him ‘Sir’ or ‘Jacob’. Gone were the days of teasingly calling him ‘Dad’, something Jacob missed though he would never admit it.
Jack was the first to notice Jacob standing there, his expression looking a little guilty as he visibly debating with himself whether to move away from Sam and let Jacob take his place or not. He evidently went with the ‘or not’ decision, partly because Sam made no attempt at moving away, even as her father set a cup of soup on the coffee table in front of her and sat on her other side. She was exhausted, the tempest of emotion taking residency inside of her having washed her out.
" Come on, Sammie, you’ve got to eat something and then get some sleep." Jacob lifted the cup and held it out for her. With an unsteady hand, Sam took it and brought it to her lips, taking a sip, testing out the temperature on her tongue. She cast her father a grateful smile that would have made any effort he’d exerted worth it and drank the warm liquid sip by sip. When she was done, her father took the cup again and put it in the kitchen, rinsing it and the pan he’d used before returning to the living room.
A fond smile curved up his lips at the scene before him. Sam was sleeping soundly, her head resting against Jack’s shoulder, her legs pulled up onto the couch, her face leaning slightly towards that of the smiling Colonel. He saw Jack smooth back a strand of hair that was bothering Sam, even in her sleep, with an unmistakeably affection expression and he also saw the self-conscious flush that spread over Jack’s features when he realised he was being watched.
" It’s okay, Jack," Jacob murmured as he moved towards his sleeping daughter and her CO. " It’s a relief to see her sleeping. She looks exhausted, I doubt she’s slept at all since this thing started. Could you take her through to her bedroom? I should call my son and find out some details."
Jack nodded his consent, afraid of speaking in case he woke her up. Carefully, he shifted her weight in his arms so he could lift her and carried her through to her bedroom as gently as he could. The fleeting thought crossed his mind that Jacob might jump to the wrong conclusion given that he knew which room was Sam’s and which was the spare room but his concern passed as something akin to regret took it’s place. Jack was excruciatingly aware of the fact that what he thought Jacob was thinking had never happened. It would never happen, and seeing her day after day, seeing her smile with that hint of longing in her eyes that he knew was echoed in his own, served as a bitter but constant reminder.
Sighing heavily, he lay her slumbering form on the bed as softly as he could. He noted how pale and fragile she looked – and then noted how she’d kick his six if he ever said something like that to her face. Jack wasn’t sure what her reaction would be if he ever told her how beautiful he thought she was. He imagined she’d blush and brush away the compliment, pretending it meant nothing to her.
He lingered in the room after he got her settled, taking a moment to watch her sleep, and ponder on all the ‘what ifs’ running through his mind. What if he retired, would she want to be with him and would she have the time? What if they kept waiting, and waiting, until there was nothing left to wait for? What if she found someone else in the meantime? What if she left? What if she left to be with her daughter? What if he walked into the other room, went straight up to Jacob and told him he was so in love with his daughter it hurt when he went too long without seeing her, that he loved her so much he was willing to die for her or would chose in at a seconds notice to die with her rather than live without her? What if he got on the bed beside her and fell asleep with her in his arms?
Before the temptation to give in to that final ‘what if’, Jack turned defiantly on his heel and quietly slipped out of the room. He found Jacob sitting on the couch he had recently vacated, talking softly into the phone. Jack shifted from one foot to the other after shutting Sam’s bedroom door, not knowing exactly what to do with himself.
" Take a seat, Jack." The older man spoke gravely, tension showing in his face as Jack looked at him in surprise, unaware the phone conversation was over and that Jacob knew of his presence in the room. Jacob waited until Jack had taken the seat opposite him. " What’s on your mind, Jack?"
The question took him by surprise, Jack had been expecting to be briefed on what Jacob’s son had said that was obviously troubling him, not a question on what was troubling him. " Jacob?"
" What happened to ‘Dad’?" Jacob leaned back into the couch, knowing he shouldn’t be enjoying it as Jack squirmed with discomfort – especially given the situation – but enjoying it anyway.
" Uh." Jack seemed to have lost all capacity of speech – until Jacob chuckled, lightening the mood a little and Jack decided he had nothing to lose. He could always claim he didn’t know what he was saying, that his brain was too weighed down under all the information he’d been given to take in to work properly if the conversation went wrong somewhere. " Jacob.. I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable calling you ‘Dad’ anymore."
" Because you love my daughter?" Jacob cut in without missing a beat, all traces of amusement gone, leaving his face blank, giving away nothing.
Swallowing the nervous lump in his throat, Jack nodded as he wondered a little desperately why he could break eye contact with the older man. " I love her more than I thought I ever could, Sir."
" I thought so." Jacob nodded, feeling the corners of his lips twitch but refusing to cave in and actually smile. " But you felt like that before you started calling me ‘Dad’, didn’t you? From what I gathered, there was something between you before I ever met you."
" Yes," Jack admitted with a hint of a grin at being caught out to some extent. " But I didn’t know exactly what it was until.. after then.. Then Sam found out and I didn’t think it was appropriate anymore."
" So because Sam knows how you feel and you know she feels the same, you need to put as many obstacles between you as possible so you don’t end up breaking regulations?" Jacob managed to sum it up in one sentence, unable to resist a knowing grin. " Don’t use me as one of those obstacles, Jack. Because I don’t want to be one."
" I know it’s.. What?" Jack frowned, his reassurance that he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise Sam’s career dying on his lips. He had been almost certain that was what was causing Jacob such concern. " Excuse me?"
Jacob allowed a small sigh to escape his lips. " I don’t want to stand in the way of my daughter’s happiness, not anymore. I almost made the mistake of letting my career take precedence over my happiness. It almost cost me my relationship with Sam’s Mom. Thankfully, it didn’t." A small grin flared briefly on his face but died as quickly as it came. " I made the mistake of putting my own rational thinking in front of Sam’s happiness before. I’m the one who suggested she give Bryony up for adoption and I know the decision she made has bee eating her up inside because that’s what the guilt is doing to me." Jacob looked at Jack, catching his eyes in an even stare as his tone became utterly serious. " When I see the two of you together, I see my wife and myself when we were still dancing around how we felt, afraid to take the chance. I look at you and see myself. I look at Sam and see her mother. You can make her happy, Jack. And that’s all I want for my girl, it’s all any father wants. The chance my wife and I took paid off. I think you’ll find if you take the chance, it’ll be as rewarding to you as it was to me."
" I.. The regulations.. The SGC.." Jack’s voice trailed off as he tried to talk through his confusion.
" No pressure, Jack," Jacob grinned. " It’s Sam’s choice as well as yours. You both have a lot to lose, but a whole lot to gain. I just want you to know, whatever you decide, I’ll support you both. And I want you to know, whatever you decide, I’ll support you both. And I want you to know I’m glad Sam has someone like you and the rest of your team in her life. She’s going to need you."
Jack nodded and sat back in the chair, his shoulders slumping as the moment passed. Although he was still as uncertain as ever about what kind of future he may or may not have with Sam, he felt.. better. One of the burdens he carried had been lifted, and he felt almost honoured at having Jacob Carter’ s spoken approval, it meant more to him than he had ever thought it would. So.. What did you find out? What’s going on?"
~$~
Pain. Lots and lots of pain. That was the only thing Sam remembered about giving birth. It still hurt, and the memories were still there, but they faded, disappearing to some dark corner in the back of her mind the moment the nurse laid her baby in her arms, her daughter. The baby had hushed the moment she was in her mother’s arms, and was now sleeping peacefully as Sam stared in awe at the life she had brought into the world.
With a gentle finger, she touched her daughter’s cheeks, and forehead and nose, tear shining in her eyes as she held the small hand in her own. This was her daughter, her baby. It didn’t matter anymore how she was conceived. This little bundle was all hers. Her miracle.
The door opened and her father stepped in, smiling softly as he took in the scene before him, as he saw his granddaughter for the first time. Quietly, Jacob crossed the room and sat in the chair next to Sam’s bed, gazing tenderly at the baby his own child held, feeling his heart break at the love on his daughter’s face, not wanting to break the moment, but feeling like he had to. If he waited any longer, it would just be even more painful.
" Do you want to hold her, Daddy?" Sam asked softly, not taking her eyes off the baby, her eyes moist but her expression weary. Jacob nodded, remembering how tired his wife had been after giving birth, amazed his daughter was still awake.
Carefully, Jacob took the sleeping child from his daughter and peered down at the tiny, innocent face in the bundle of blankets. " Have you thought of a name for her?"
" I thought she looked like a Bryony," Sam explained, lacking the energy to even try to stifle a yawn. " She’s beautiful."
" Beautiful Bryony," Jacob agreed with a tender smile. " You did us proud, Princess. She’s a lovely baby."
Sam must have caught the sad note in his voice as she straightened as much as she could, beginning to look a little more alert. " Daddy? What is it?"
" You want to keep her." Jacob sighed heavily when Sam nodded, feeling a lump rise in his throat. " Have you really thought about it, Sammie? How you ’re going to support both yourself and a baby? How you’ll balance being a Mom with your school work?"
" I’ve thought about that, Dad, and you’re right." Sam felt a single tear trickle down her cheek. " I said I want to keep her, I never said I was going to."
Jacob arched an eyebrow. He stood and gently laid the baby in the crib next to Sam’s bed. He sat up beside his daughter and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him as she tried to wipe away the silent tears coursing down her cheeks. " I know it hurts, Sammie. But it’s for the best."
Sam nodded against him. " I know. I can’t give her what she needs. It.. It’s not fair on Bryony to keep her with me. I won’t be selfish, Dad, but it hurts so much." She sobbed broken heartedly as he held her tightly, mourning the loss of a child she had just brought into the world.
The first twinges of guilt welled up within Jacob as he held her, wondering if she was hurting more at having to give her child away and live each day knowing it was looking up at someone else and calling them ‘Mommy’ than she would hurt if her child had died. Looking at the slumbering child beside them, Jacob hoped he had helped his daughter reach the right decision. " It’s okay, Sammie. It’s going to be okay."
~$~
She opened the door as quietly as she could after changing into a fresh t-shirt and sweat pants, peering out into the other room before stepping out. A tiny smile tugged at her lips as she saw both her father and Jack sound asleep in her living room. Sam tiptoed around, and got two blankets. She covered her father first, leaning in to press a swift kiss against his forehead and then she turned to Jack and carefully put the other blanket over him, taking particular care not to wake him.
Sam made her way over to the bookshelf in the corner of the room and browsed the shelves until she found what she was looking for. With a heavy heart, she pulled a big black photograph album from one shelf and sat down on the floor, leaning against the bookshelves as she flicked through it.
Ever since Bryony had been adopted into the Callaghan family, Sam had made a special effort to be a part of her life. She’d been there through as many of the special steps as she could, and when she missed something, Annie, Bryony ’s adopted Grandmother and Sam’s surrogate Mom during her pregnancy, had photographed it and sent it to her, no matter where she was. Annie was sometimes Sam’s only link to Bryony, if something was keeping in her somewhere else but as Bryony grew up, she began to contact Sam herself, writing letters to ‘Aunt Sam’, phoning her whenever she wanted and knew where to call.. It was those things that made it bearable for Sam. Knowing that her daughter, although unaware of her true parentage, had wanted to stay in touch with her. In recent years, Bryony called less frequently, but her voice always sounded so full of love whenever they talked. And now she knew the truth, and everything was going to be different.
The pages were turned, the image of Bryony in the pictures getting older with each one. Sam wondered if Bryony would ever forgive her for keeping her in the dark, she wondered if the betrayal would ever subside and if it did, would it be in time to salvage anything of their relationship?
She didn’t know she’d been crying again, until Jack was at her side, wiping her tears away. Sam looked up in surprise, a little startled to see his own eyes were suspiciously bright. Jack put a finger to her lips to stop her from talking, and took her hand in one of his and the photo album in the other. Quietly, as not to wake Jacob, he led her back to her room and shut the door behind them. The moment he did that, he turned to face her, taking her in his arms, his offered comfort her undoing as she found herself crying again, despite her attempts not to. " It’s okay, Sam, let it out," he murmured soothingly, moving to sit on her bed, holding her close, rocking her as she wept desperate tears of frustration.
It took almost an hour for her to regain her composure enough to pull away. Sam managed a small, shy smile of thanks, trying to convey how grateful she was to him for just being there. Jack nodded his acknowledgment and entwined his fingers with hers as they sat back against the headboard and began looking through the album together.
Neither dared to speak, scared to break the tone in the air that surrounded them. It was nice, companionable, regulations forgotten behind the closed door, two friends who cared greatly for each other accepting the support the other offered. Two friends who loved each other, but were yet to do something about it. Sam’s head fell back on Jack’s shoulder half way through the album, and his arms seemed to slip around her shoulders of its own accord.
And that was how Jacob found them in the morning, when dawn finally broke in the skies above, and he knew then that all his instincts were right, and couldn’t help but hope Jack heeded his advice. Maybe not now, but sometime soon. Before it was too late.
~$~
She was two years old. It was two years since she had been born and Sam still remembered the day clearly, reliving it almost every night, knowing the pain she went through bringing Bryony into the world was nothing compared with the pain she experienced every day, knowing that her baby girl looked up at someone else with love in her blue eyes, the kind of devoted love a child has for its mother and its mother only.
The party was thinning out. Bryony had opened all of her presents, with help from her ‘parents’, Paul and Louisa Callaghan. Louisa had allowed Sam to take the little girl and put her down for her nap, and Sam was still there, almost an hour later, watching over the child she still longed for, the daughter she would always want but could never have.
" Samantha? Sweetheart?" Sam turned to find herself gazing into the kind green eyes of Annie Callaghan, and saw nothing but love and understanding in their depths. " It’s difficult leaving her, isn’t it?"
Mutely, Sam nodded, her gaze travelling again to the sleeping child. Bryony had her blue eyes, and a mass of blond curls. Seeing the resemblance between them made it harder, it made it impossible to forget. " She’s still beautiful."
" She is," Annie agreed, coming up to stand behind Sam, putting a soft hand on the young girls shoulder. " You should be proud of her, Samantha. She’s very clever for a child of her age, your father thinks she gets it from you."
" But she’ll never know that, will she." Sam murmured, no resentment in her voice but her own sorrow clear. They lapsed into silence, there being nothing Annie could say to soothe the grief Sam was feeling. " Annie?"
" Yes, my darling?" Annie responded just as softly.
Sam turned to her, her eyes showing her doubt. " What would you have done if you were me? If you were Bryony’s mother?"
Annie rewarded her with a sad smile, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, leading her from the crib, sensing the young girls reluctance to leave but knowing Sam knew the longer she stayed, the harder it would be. They walked out of the house, sitting on the porch, away from the din of joyous voices coming from inside the house. " I can’t answer that, Samantha, because I’m not you." Annie looked away, her expression troubled. " If I had been in your situation, I probably would have done the same thing, although I would have hated every moment of it." Sam nodded in understanding, knowing the feeling only too well. " You never wanted to give her up, did you?"
" No." Sam answered immediately, a hint of anguish creeping into her voice. " I.. My father and I talked about it. I always wanted her, I always loved her. But I had nothing to offer her. I thought it was selfish to keep her and try to raise her alone." She closed her eyes against the tears, having cried enough in the presence of this woman already. " Is it wrong of me to want her back?"
" Of course not, Darling," Annie reassured her with a friendly smile when Sam opened her eyes again. " But just think of what you’ve given my daughter, my family. You’ve given them the chance to be parents. Don’t ever think that letting her go was selfish, but don’t think you lost all right to love and want her because you did that. You’re her mother, Samantha. You always will be. We all know that."
" But Bryony won’t, and that’s what hurts," Sam whispered sadly. " I won’t tell her, don’t worry. I promised Louisa I wouldn’t and after everything she ’s done for Bryony, I wouldn’t dream of hurting her like that.. But.."
" But you wish there was a way you could go back and change things," Annie finished, motherly patting her hand in a way that would be condescending if done by anyone else. Sam nodded but said nothing. She was so lost in her thoughts she could have easily imagined Annie said what she did. " I wish there was a way, Samantha. I wish there was."
~$~
Whilst Sam was showering, Jack left to get some clean clothes from his house and Jacob called General Hammond to let him know what was going on. Sam still hadn’t been informed of what Jacob had learned in talking to his son. Her father was in two minds about how much to tell her, and whether to wait until Jack had returned so the younger man could be there to support her if she needed him.
Jacob had just hung when Sam came out of the bathroom, so he greeted her with a hug and a smile, leading her over to the couch. " Sammie, I’m sorry."
" For what, Dad?" Sam asked, a slight frown furrowing her smooth brow. She looked down at her hands, her father’s own grasping them firmly.
" For making you do this," Jacob sighed heavily, and she looked back up at him, clearly reading the guilt in his eyes for the first time. " I should have considered everything before making you give Bryony up."
Sam shook her head and leaned towards him, smiling weakly. " No, Dad, please. It was never your fault. You weren’t the one who had the final say. And you were right, if I’d have kept Bryony.. I wouldn’t be here now. I wouldn’t be part of the Stargate program, she wouldn’t have been going to the best schools or have gone on all the great holidays she’s told me about.. She wouldn’t have half of the things she has now."
" She’d have her mother, and you’d have your daughter," Jacob mumbled. He sighed. "You underestimate yourself, Sammie. I’m not saying it would have been easy, but you’re so smart.. You’d still be here even if you’d kept her, if I’d offered a little more support.."
" You gave me all the support I could have wanted," Sam argued, knowing it wasn’t entirely true but needing to reassure her father she didn’t blame him at all. " Dad, listen to me. I don’t blame you. Please, don’t blame yourself. It isn’t helping anyone."
" I know," Jacob managed a weak grin. " I know." He pulled his daughter into his arms. " I just don’t want to run the risk of leaving anything unsaid between us, I don’t want to risk not saying something and losing you because of it."
Sam cuddled up to her father and closed her eyes. " That won’t happen, Daddy. I love you."
" I love you, too, Princess," he murmured back, kissing her forehead. Always." A knock at the door ended the close moment, and Jacob grinned to see Sam scramble to her feet. " I don’t think Jack has any intention of disappearing, honey."
" What?" Sam blushed. " Dad, I wasn’t.. I mean we’re not.."
" Just open the door, Sammie. We’ll talk later." Jacob got to his feet at the same time Sam opened the door, to predictably find Jack waiting on the other side. " Hello, Jack."
" Dad, Sam," Jack greeted them as he stepped into the apartment. Sam shut the door and turned to face the grinning men as they shook hands, a quizzical look in place. Did he just call her Dad ‘Dad’ again? And since when did he start calling her Sam instead of Carter or Major?
" Something wrong, Sweetheart?" Jacob asked, enjoying the look on Sam’s face.
" No.. Did something happen that you haven’t told me about?" She asked warily, looking from one man to the other. They traded looks, giving her the impression she was being left out of something so she decided it would be safer if she kept her guard up. " Obviously nothing you want to share. Can I get anyone some coffee or something?"
" Coffee would be great, Jack?" Jacob looked to the younger man, who nodded his agreement and both of them grinned again as Sam walked into the kitchen, shaking her head. " So it’s back to Dad, is it?" Jacob commented as they say down.
" Yeah.. If you don’t mind?" Jack answered with another nod, his eyes straying in the direction of Sam, keeping watch for her coming back.
" It’s never stopped you before.." Jacob teased. " But it’s about time. I was starting to miss it." He gave the Colonel a sidelong glance. " Have you thought about anything else I said?"
Jack looked serious, though nervous at the thought of Sam coming back in the middle of their discussion. " Yeah, I have.. But there are a lot of things to think about.. I don’t want to risk her career.. and that’s not a talk she needs to have right now. She has too much to deal with as it is."
" Good man," Jacob grinned his approval. " Just keep it in mind and let me know if you need anything."
" I will," Jack told him earnestly, knowing he would probably need a lot more advice and approval from Sam’s Dad if they were going to have any sort of future together. Sam chose that moment to come back in, balancing a tray with three steaming cups of coffee that she set on the table in front of them. It was then Jack realised Jacob had taken the chair, leaving him to sit on the couch without even thinking about it, leaving it so Sam had to sit beside him. He wasn’t complaining, and Sam didn’t look like she minded, even though she still looked between the two of them suspiciously.
" So what did Mark say when you called him?" Sam spoke up after a few minutes as the others sipped their coffee.
Jacob almost spat his coffee out, a frown on his face. " How did you..?"
She shrugged casually and pulled her legs up beneath herself on the couch. I figured you’d call him. So what did he have to say? I kind of hung up on him before." A faint blush stole across her cheeks as she looked at her father expectantly, bracing herself for whatever he had to tell her.
" Bryony wants to see you," Jacob blurted out, seeing no reason in beating about the bush. " As soon as she hears from one of us, she’s getting on plane and she’s coming to see you."
Sam blinked in surprise. " She wants to see me? Why?"
" You’re her mother," Jacob shrugged. " Why wouldn’t she want to see you?"
" I figured she’d hate me and want nothing more to do with me." Sam answered, staring into the steaming coffee cup in her hands. " What about Louisa? Or Paul? Did Mark say how they were taking it?"
Jacob nodded, feeling uncomfortable. " Sam.. I don’t know how to say this. Louisa and Paul haven’t spoken to Bryony in months. She’s been living with Annie, apparently."
" What?" Sam’s head snapped up so fast it had to hurt, and Jack winced in sympathy even though she didn’t seem bothered. Her eyes narrowed and she frowned. " What do you mean? Why? Why wasn’t I told?"
" Annie apparently tried to contact you," Jacob replied placating. According to Mark, Bryony got into an argument with them and told them she wished they weren’t her parents because they obviously didn’t love her and Louisa blurted out that they weren’t. She told Bryony to leave, Bryony moved in with Annie."
Sam paled, trying to get her mind around what her father was telling her, trying not to concentrate on how her daughter must have felt at that revelation. " They threw her out?" Her voice was dangerously low and deceptively calm. " They told me they would love her as though she was their own regardless of any problems and they threw her out?"
Jacob reached out and took her shaking hands. " I know, Sam. But she’s okay, she had Annie." He gave her a reassuring smile. " From what I hear, Annie’s been great with her." There was a pause. " She’s the one who told Bryony the truth."
Sam bit her lip and tilted her head to one side. " Why would Annie tell her? Bryony didn’t need to know.."
" She wanted to know. And because Annie loves her, and because Annie loves you, she decided to do what I know you’ve wanted to do and tell Bryony who her real mother is." Jacob squeezed her hands. " It’s going to work out, Sam. Bryony will be here soon and you two can talk.."
" About why I gave her up? Why I didn’t want her?" Sam pulled her hands away, slamming the coffee cup on the table, not caring when some of the hot liquid spilt out onto the table. She stood up and started pacing, wringing her hands in front of her. " I don’t know what to say to her, Dad. She’ll be angry and she’ll be entitled to it. God, what do I say? How do I excuse lying to her all these years? How the hell is everything going to work out, Dad? She probably hates me and just wants to come out and tell me to my face. I know I’d hate me.. I do hate me."
" Sam.." Jacob stood and took hold of her arm. " Calm down. She doesn’t hate you. We both know that kid’s looked up to you since before she can remember. You have always been in her life, and you always will be. She loves you. I don’t even think she could have loved you more if she knew you were her Mom!"
Her breathing went back to normal even as she looked cynically at her father. " Fine. If you say so." Sam took a deep breath. " When’s she getting here?"
" She’ll be on the next plane out if you want her to be." Jacob told her with a sincere smile of encouragement. " It’ll just take one phone call to arrange it."
" Okay. Sure, I can handle that," Sam retorted, sounding the complete opposite of what she was saying. " Call them, let them know. Is Annie coming?"
" I think Annie wants the two of you to have some time alone." Her father went towards the phone and sat down as he picked up the receiver. " She’ll probably want to come and see you in a few days though."
Sam nodded and resumed her pacing until Jack stood and put a hand on her arm. She looked up into his concerned eyes and felt her panic slowly dissipate. She smiled a little gratefully at him, going willingly into his arms when he tugged on her hand. She didn’t care anymore who saw them, she didn’t care that it was a little odd of them to be so touchy-feely around each other, especially with her father around. She’d missed some of the closeness between as it was replaced with distance in recent months so they wouldn’t cross any lines they had no business crossing and she was glad that he seemed to have decided to throw caution to the wind so he could support her through this. She had a feeling she’d need him.
Soon arrangements were made for Bryony to join them later that afternoon and Sam found herself half-dreading the reunion and half-anticipating it with something similar to excitement. The excitement started to fade a little, when she realised it was time to let the secret out in the open, to get it over with before Bryony arrived.
~$~
Beneath her feet, the soft snow made a crunching noise, reminding her of her own childhood. It seemed like such a long time ago. Sam thought about it with a sigh, balancing the presents for the Callaghan family in her arms, most of them for Bryony but one or two for Annie. She stopped at the front door of the house, taking a deep breath as she gazed at the fairy lights in the window and the Christmas tree she could see, all perfectly done as was the Callaghan way. She knew she had been invited, but she still felt as though she was intruding every time she came here. Sam wasn’t part of this family. Her daughter was, but she wasn’t.
The big white door to the house swung open before she could give into the urge to run. Annie stood there, smiling warmly and beckoning her in and it was all Sam could do not to burst into tears. She didn’t know what she would have done without Annie there to confide in. It was almost like she had her mother back. Almost.
" Samantha, I’m so glad you could make it," Annie gushed as the young woman walked towards the house. She ushered her in and quickly relieved her of the presents, barely allowing her time to take off her coat and scarf as she showed her through to the living room. " The other guests are already in the dining room," Annie whispered conspiratorially. " But there’s a certain someone who’s been waiting for you to get here."
No sooner than the words were out of Annie’s mouth, Sam found herself the centre of the seven year old in questions enthusiastic hug. " Sam!!" Bryony squealed as she squeezed her tightly, burying her head against Sam’s stomach and inhaling. ‘Aunt’ Sam always smelt sweet like roses. " I was waiting for ya! Momma said I had to go to bed but Grandma said I could stay up and see ya!"
" I’m glad to see you, too," Sam giggled a little as she hugged her daughter back just as tightly, casting a grateful look at Annie. She knew that Louisa wasn’t happy with the amount of time she spent with Bryony, but Annie was determined to make sure they respected Sam’s only wish when she’d agreed to let her daughter be adopted into their family. Sam knelt down when the little girl relinquished her hold enough for her to do so and smiled lovingly at Bryony, an unmistakable warmth glowing on her face. She had to fight the tears when she found her own blue eyes gazing back at her, a sweet and innocent face surrounded by bouncing blond curls she saw most nights in her dreams. " I’ve missed you, Princess."
" Missed you too," Bryony told her sincerely, throwing her arms around Sam’s neck to hug her again, pressing a soppy kiss to Sam’s cheek. " Lots and lots and lots." She pulled back and frowned at seeing tears in Sam’s eyes. " Why you sad, Aunt Sam?"
Trying not to choke on a sob, Sam shook her head and lowered her gaze until she had blinked the tears away. " I’m not sad, Sweetheart. I’m happy. It’s been a long time since I saw you, that’s all."
" Okay." Bryony nodded, sending her curls bouncing, the expression she made when one of them tickled her nose making Sam smile.
Annie watched from the doorway as they were soon lost in conversation, lost in their own world where no one else existed. It had always been like that. It was like Bryony unknowingly sensed Sam was her mother, and there was a bond between them that no one could break. A cloud passed over Annie’s face. Even though Louisa and her husband did try their best to come between them. Annie knew she should support her daughter, and urge Bryony to be closer to her but there was something missing in Louisa’s eyes when she looked at the child. But when Sam looked at her, it was impossible not to see the love and devotion shining earnestly.. The pride of a mother for her child. And as if she sensed this, Bryony always let Sam get closer to her, as if knowing this was one woman who would never stop loving her.
She looked up to see Louisa standing in the doorway, a scowl on her face. Annie knew she should feel some remorse for her daughter, especially as she was the one who was responsible for keeping Sam and Bryony in touch, and she felt guilty that she didn’t. She moved defiantly across the room to stop Louisa from interrupting the moment between mother and daughter, the pair in question oblivious to her presence, and realised as she watched Bryony snuggle closer to Sam’s side that a mistake had been made. Only she wasn’t sure there was anyway she could fix it.
~$~
" I can’t do this," Sam told Jack and her father again, the pitch of her tone dangerously close to a whine. " I really *really* don’t think I can do this."
Jack watched her in the rear-view mirror, fighting the smile that tugged at his lips. He had been in a lot of situations with Samantha Carter and seen her act in a number of ways but this.. this was new to him. It was sweet, but he’d never tell her that. She’d introduce him to her right hook if she knew he thought she was cute when she was in a state of nervous-near-complete-panic.
" Sam, calm down," Jacob retorted patiently, with some amusement in his eyes. " You have nothing to worry about, they’re your friends. They will understand."
" No they won’t!" Sam shook her head. " I don’t even understand, how could they? I mean, they’re my best friends, they’re gonna feel just as betrayed at me not telling them as Bryony has to be."
" Jack’s not angry with you, so they won’t be," Jacob soothing reminded his daughter. Both he and Jack watched as Sam crossed her arms over her chest and stared out of the window, muttering something they could figure out. What was that, Sammie?"
" Nothing." It clearly was something as she blushed prettily, and refused to meet either of their gazes. Rolling his eyes, Jacob turned back round in his seat to face the road ahead as Jack drove, wondering what Bryony was going to make of her mother’s relationship with Jack.
They didn’t speak until they reached the base, and even then it was up to Jack and Jacob to make small talk. Sam was lost in her thoughts, trailing behind them without paying much attention to where they were leading her. She managed a small smile in greeting to her other team mates as she joined them in the briefing room, flanked by Jacob and Jack, one of the men sitting on each side of her.
" George, thank you for letting us do this here," Jacob spoke first. " I appreciate it and I know Sam does, too." Sam nodded but didn’t say anything, looking around the room, wondering if she would be excused if she started biting her fingernails. She didn’t get that choice, however, as Jack covered one of her hands with his and gave her a reassuring smile. " This afternoon, a young girl will be arriving in Colorado. My Granddaughter, Sam’s daughter." As the expressions around them turned to shock, Sam couldn’t help rolling her eyes at her father’s tactful way of putting things. " It’s a long story so make yourselves comfortable."
Jacob began to explain, with Sam picking up the story when she felt she could without breaking down again, able to because of Jack’s unwavering support. Whenever she looked at him, he’d smile and give her hand a quick squeeze, an action that went unnoticed by no body. By the time the explanation was finished, Sam’s gaze was fixed on the table top, too scared to risk looking up and seeing the disgust, betrayal and hurt that she would surely find on their faces. She felt Jack squeeze her hand again but refused to look up until he nudged her foot under the table. Bracing herself, she cleared her vision by closing her eyes until the ears were gone and looked up.
To her utter surprise, there was no admonishment on anyone’s face. Janet looked near to tears herself, her brown eyes shiny. She looked sympathetic, warmth in her gaze instead of the cool anger that Sam had been expecting. Daniel looked a little shocked, but the concern in his eyes was touching. Teal’c looked as noncommittal as ever, but there seemed to be a hint of tenderness in his dark eyes. General Hammond was gazing at her compassionately and she started to feel guilty for believing these people would turn against her.
Only when it was clear she was going to be okay did Jack and Jacob leave her side. Sam was immediately engulfed with hugs and kind words when her two guard dogs left the room with General Hammond, their exit puzzling her but she didn’t really have time to dwell on it. All too soon, it was time to leave. Time to meet Bryony at the airport.
~$~
Sam kicked off her shoes and sunk down into the couch, closing her eyes against the outside world, glad to be home and away from the SGC. She still loved her job, but she was exhausted. It had been a stressful few months and she welcomed the reprieve with open arms. She groaned when the phone rang, suspecting it was probably someone from base calling her back again, no doubt with another emergency that just couldn’t wait.
" Major Carter," she answered the phone, unable to make the effort needed to make her tone enthusiastic.
" Sam?" The indecisive voice on the other end of the line cut through her bad mood and she sat up straight, a smile instantly lighting up her face. Is this a bad time?"
" Of course not, Bry," Sam hurriedly assured her, conjuring up an image of Bryony in her mind’s eye. " Anything wrong, Princess?"
A sweet giggle floated through the receiver. " Not really, I just missed you." Bryony admitted, her smile clear in her voice. " Why’d you still call me ‘Princess’?"
" I don’t know.." Sam murmured, knowing only too well she couldn’t say what was on her mind – that she called her that as a way to fool herself into believing Bryony wasn’t growing up, that her baby girl wasn’t already fifteen. " Would you rather I didn’t?"
" No," Bryony responded instantly. " I like it. It’s funny," the young girl laughed again. " Anyone else could call me that and I’d resent them."
" But you don’t resent me?" Sam asked, feeling a little scared of the answer.
" Of course not!" She could almost see Bryony roll her eyes. " I love you, otherwise I wouldn’t be calling!"
" I love you, too," Sam smiled back, fighting a wistful sigh, wishing her daughter could have been given the chance to love her as a parent, and not as a favourite ‘aunt’. " So.. What’s up on your end of things?"
The small talk continued, with them saying nothing but everything, both reluctant to hang up and close the connection. It had been too long since they had last spoken, and Bryony knew her mother would ‘go ballistic’ to put it mildly to come home and find her on the phone to Sam. She couldn’t help it, though. She missed Sam too much to abide by her mother’s wishes and stay away from her completely. One phone call couldn’t hurt that much.
When the phone call ended, Sam curled up on her couch and cried, feeling lonely, longing to be the one raising her child. Unbeknownst to her, Bryony was curled up in her bed on the other side of the country, crying and wishing the same thing.
~$~
The airport was buzzing with activity. Sam wrung her hands nervously, chewing on her bottom lip as she paced in front the busy terminal she knew Bryony was going to arrive at. She had told her father and Jack she needed to do this alone, telling them she’d meet them at the Colonel’s house if she and Bryony were feeling up to it, up to introducing her daughter to her friends.
The thought sent chills through her, and she smiled faintly at the thought of introducing Bryony as *her* daughter. She’d waited so long to do that, she just hoped Bryony would let her. Her nerves returned again as the plane touched down and she waited, forcing herself to breathe deeply, trying to calm herself down.
It was all in vain. The moment she saw the familiar face of her daughter coming towards her, her heart started pounding and she found she couldn’t catch her breath with fear. Bryony’s expression didn’t given anything away as she searched the crowds, having not yet seen her mother waiting. It did look as though the girl had been crying, and that tore at Sam’s heart, especially as she knew she was partly the cause of those tears. The lost look on Bryony’s face was almost too much to bear so Sam took a few shaky steps towards her, hoping she’d be noticed.
Bryony locked eyes on her and Sam found herself frozen to the spot. Bryony bit her lip and started heading in her direction. She stopped a few feet away, clutching her hands tightly, unconsciously mimicking her mother. The two women stared at each other, looking each other up and down before their eyes met again. The tears and the fear and the love in Sam’s eyes was reflected right back at her in Bryony’s. Neither knew who made the first move, but they found themselves holding each other tightly, identical tracks of tears streaming down their cheeks.
" I’m sorry," Sam managed to gasp as she held her daughter, her heart so full it felt like it was going to burst. " I’m so sorry."
Bryony nodded against her, clinging onto her desperately, inhaling the familiar scent of roses, a smell she always associated with Sam and the love and support she constantly gave her. She finally realised that the last few days had been real, that she wasn’t going to wake up, that the nightmare-turned-dream was true, and held on tight, almost afraid to let go.
" Lets get out of here," Sam murmured, pulling away to kiss her daughter on the forehead, not even thinking about whether the kiss would be accepted or not. Bryony nodded and clutched the bag, she was holding, the only she had brought and even that had been at the insistence of Annie. She held Sam’s hand as Sam led them through the crowds, and smiled through her tears. Just like every time she was with Sam, Bryony felt like she was home. And this time, she was able to hope it would be more than just a fleeting visit.
~$~
Hours were filled with talking and crying and explaining and a lot of hugging. Bryony was enthusiastic about meeting her mother’s friends, and about seeing her Grandfather again, so she persuaded her mother not to call and cancel her plans to go to the Colonel’s house. She wanted to meet them, hoping that because it was suggested, it would also mean that Sam wanted her to stay with her, so they could start being the mother and daughter they were.
Sam pulled the car into Jack’s drive way and smiled softly at her daughter. " Are you ready for this? We can put it off till tomorrow if you want to get some sleep?"
" I’m ready, Mom," Bryony smiled at using the word, basking in how right it felt to hear it slip from her lips when talking about Sam, and her smile widened when she saw Sam smiling to herself on hearing it. She reached across and took her Mom’s hand and squeezed it. " I love you."
" I love you, too." Sam felt something flutter inside her at hearing those words, so shortly after hearing ‘Mom’. She’d waited so long to hear them together, and now that she had, she was confident she’d never get bored with hearing it. " Let’s go."
They got out of the car and Bryony waited until her Mom had walked around her side of the car. She took her hand and smiled again, not caring that her cheeks were beginning to hurt. Before Sam knocked on the door, Bryony stopped her but hesitating.
" Bryony?" Sam immediately looked concerned, taking a step closer to her daughter. " Are you okay, Honey?"
" I’m still your Princess, Mom," Bryony smiled shyly. " I don’t mind if you still call me that, sometimes." Sam nodded and Bryony took a deep breath and looked up at the stars above. " I have to tell you something, before we go in." Again, Sam nodded but didn’t say anything. Bryony smiled a little more at the understanding Sam showed her, at not feeling rushed or pressured into saying anything. " All my life, I’ve wished the same thing on countless stars." She closed her eyes as a soft breeze washed over her. " And now it’s come true. All I ever wished for was you. That you could be my real Mom because you’re the only one who ever loved me like a mother should."
Only once she was finished did Bryony take her eyes from the stars and look at Sam to see her reaction. She felt a little stab at alarm at seeing Sam in tears again, but the alarm faded as Sam smiled and pulled her into her arms.
" I wished on every star that I could tell you the truth, or go back and decide differently," Sam murmured into her daughter’s hair. " I finally got my wish, too." They embraced for a few moments before there was a crash from inside, followed by a chorus of ‘Daniel!’, making Sam giggle. " Come on, I want to introduce my beautiful daughter to the rest of the family."
Without knocking, Sam led Bryony into the Colonel’s house, and into their new life together.
~$~
The End.
Feedback? Love it? Hate it? It costs ya nothing to tell me! mailto:Joey@ram32.freeserve.co.uk
Story Notes: EMAIL: Joey@Ram32.freeserve.co.uk
CONTENT WARNINGS: Sam and Jack, suggestion of rape.
RATING: PG-13 at highest.
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season 4, after ‘The Serpents Venom’; standalone.
SPOILERS: Various small ones for all seasons.
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, SJA, and Shipperworld. Anywhere else, please ask first.
STATUS: Complete.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yet another fic I started when I should be doing work or finishing one of the other fics I’ve started. Never mind. Feedback adored and replied to. I know this is never going to happen on the show, but isn’t that what fics are for?
DEDICATION: Dedicated to the cast and crew of Stargate, who continue to be an inspiration to this wannabe writer. Special shout-outs to: LM, for the conversation that inspired this and for joining me in my madness. It’s such a relief to know I’m not alone. Seriously, though, thank you for our IM-chats and phone calls. They’re fun, and always lighten the dullest, darkest of days. And I have to say I love our Wednesday night phone calls during Stargate. *g* Tanja and Helena, two great friends whom I met online and will hopefully be seeing soon offline. Hugs to you both! And to Cindy and Pepsi, I don’t know if we’ll meet but you guys are great friends, too!!! ::hugs::
CONTENT WARNINGS: Sam and Jack, suggestion of rape.
RATING: PG-13 at highest.
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season 4, after ‘The Serpents Venom’; standalone.
SPOILERS: Various small ones for all seasons.
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, SJA, and Shipperworld. Anywhere else, please ask first.
STATUS: Complete.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yet another fic I started when I should be doing work or finishing one of the other fics I’ve started. Never mind. Feedback adored and replied to. I know this is never going to happen on the show, but isn’t that what fics are for?
DEDICATION: Dedicated to the cast and crew of Stargate, who continue to be an inspiration to this wannabe writer. Special shout-outs to: LM, for the conversation that inspired this and for joining me in my madness. It’s such a relief to know I’m not alone. Seriously, though, thank you for our IM-chats and phone calls. They’re fun, and always lighten the dullest, darkest of days. And I have to say I love our Wednesday night phone calls during Stargate. *g* Tanja and Helena, two great friends whom I met online and will hopefully be seeing soon offline. Hugs to you both! And to Cindy and Pepsi, I don’t know if we’ll meet but you guys are great friends, too!!! ::hugs::
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]