Cry Just A Little
~* Could you cry a little? Lie just a little?
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain?
I gave, now I'm wanting something in return,
So cry just a little for me. *~
'Cry', Angie Aparo.
"Sam."
His voice took me by surprise, and I almost dropped my house keys. I had been working late in the lab, and it was dark and bitterly cold - but the Colonel was there, waiting in the shadows of my porch.
"Sir," I said in acknowledgement. "You startled me."
"Don't call me that," he growled. "I need to talk to you."
I considered this for a moment, but it was chilly on the doorstep and I didn't think that he would leave without protest. "Come inside," I said.
I led the way in, and heard him close the door behind the both of us. I threw down my bag and coat and went for the light switch, but before I could turn it on he was there, close in front of me in the dark.
"Sam, we can't keep doing this," he said without preamble.
"Doing what?" I asked, as if I didn't know. But if Jack O'Neill can play dumb, then I'm allowed to hum the tune sometimes.
"Pretending everything's normal. It isn't working."
"Well, I think I'm doing pretty well, Sir," I countered.
"Do you have to call me that?"
"Yes! It's part of carrying on as normal!"
I stared at his outline in the gloom, unspeakably glad that he couldn't see my expression. I was almost in tears.
"And why are we doing that, CARTER?" he demanded, throwing it back in my face. "Seriously? All this pretending that nothing's happened? Do you honestly think we can just go back to the way it was?"
"Eventually, yes!" I snapped back. "We have to, Jack. We don't have a choice. There are circumstances beyond our control."
"Yeah, the job is more important," he concluded bitterly.
"Yes, it is!" I assured him.
"Did it never occur to you that after all we've done for this planet we might be owed a few favours by now? That we might actually be allowed to make this work? That there might be another way?"
"Why are you being like this?" I demanded, despairingly. "I thought you understood. Why do you have to make this harder than it already is?"
"Because I trusted you, Sam," he growled, and I could tell how much it cost him to force the words out. "I let myself go and you - you pulled the ground out from under me. You are the only person in this world who could hurt me like that, and you did."
I couldn't speak for tears. I felt like I was choking up inside, as every word stabbed into me, the worst pain I had ever felt. Him, of all people, I had never meant to hurt - and yet here I was, tearing his heart out.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. It was all I could manage.
I felt his lips crush to mine, a fierce kiss that I returned even through my tears, desperately hoping that this could be my reality. But I knew that it couldn't. I knew that I had to be strong.
"Jack, please; I can't," I whispered. In the bitter darkness I felt him step away from me; I heard him walk to the door and slam it on his way out. I sank to the floor, the sobs wracking my body, giving him in my tears what I could give him no other way - my heart, in broken pieces, but always his.
Story Notes: Email: warrior_of_gondor@hotmail.com
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