When you have no light to guide you
No one to walk beside you
I will come to you
oh, come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
oh, come to you
~o0o~
"Hey, Jack, nice to see you." Daniel's voice assaulted Jack's senses.
"Oh yeah, good to see you too, buddy." Jack retorted grimly, glancing around as he appeared in the gateroom. "So, what did I miss?" He demanded impatiently, eager to get home.
"Uh...nothing much really." Daniel studied him. "You okay?"
"Other than looking like I'm hundred, I'm absolutely fine!" Jack snapped, irritated that he still felt old.
"Like I said before, Sir, you should be yourself in about a week." Carter's annoyingly bright smile for some reason irritated him more than ever. Could it be because her eyes had been mocking him the entire time, sending him that 'serves you right' look the whole mission. It's not like he asked for Kynthia to do what she did...he was drugged!
Jack merely grunted in her direction and stumbled down the ramp, shaking off Daniel's helping hand. He may be old, but he wasn't done in yet! "What about Charlie?"
"Well...he's a little worried about you..." Carter said slowly, "But I told him you'd be back soon." She added.
"Where's he staying?"
"At your house, where else?" She sounded slightly surprised.
"With who?"
"Well, the first week we got the baby-sitter to stay with him - don't worry about the cost, General Hammond's taken care of it. Something about compensation, I believe he said." Sam smiled at him, and he didn't object for once as her hand rested on his arm while she guided him to the infirmary. "Then Janet and I took turns staying with him once we found the cure...you should be able to see him probably tomorrow or the day after, judging by your recovery rate." She chattered happily.
"Where's he now?" Jack demanded, missing his son incredibly.
"School. I'm picking him up this afternoon and staying with him till you get back, seeing as we're all on downtime." Sam explained as they entered the infirmary.
"Thanks." Jack grudged a smile and hobbled over to the bed without being ordered to by Janet. Sam smiled a tight smile before bounding out of the room, anger etched deeply on her features.
"I don't get you, Colonel." Janet said disapprovingly as he glanced at her.
"What's there to get?" He quipped, earning a glare from the petite doctor.
"Have you realised that you are the only person who doesn't like Sam?"
"So?" He waited, his eyes wide.
"Why don't you like her?"
"I don't know. There's just something..." He shrugged, not enjoying the conversation.
"If you dislike her so much, despite everything she's done for you and Charlie, why don't you get her transferred?"
"She's the best we've got, Dr." He said bluntly. "We can't let personal likes and dislikes influence us and the way we act."
"Seems to me like you're doing that anyway." Janet commented, pulling out her little flashlight.
"So what is the point of shining that in my eyes?" Jack complained.
"Routine." Janet shrugged, putting it away once the deed was done. "You know what I think?" She continued their previous conversation.
"What?" Jack demanded irritably.
"I think that you just don't want to like her." Janet said smugly.
"Oh? And why would that be the case?"
"I don't know." Janet narrowed her eyes. "Could be something to do with the fact that she's blond, blue eyed, attractive, like your ex." Janet stated bluntly.
"Are you the psychologist now?" He snapped, losing patience.
"Something like that." Janet agreed amiacbly. "If you let yourself, and you get to know her, you'll really grow to like her a lot."
"She said something along those lines to me when we first met." Jack admitted, smiling ruefully. Janet could have sworn she saw a glimpse of affection in the deep depths of his eyes.
"You know, Colonel..." She said hesitantly.
"What?" Jack narrowed his eyes, not liking the tone of her voice.
"As a friend, Jack, don't let Sara dictate the rest of your life." Janet said softly, touching his shoulder gently.
"What would you know about Sara, Janet?" Jack snapped, rising unsteadily to his feet.
"I know you loved her, and I know she hurt you." Janet kept her hand on his arm. "But Sam isn't Sara, okay? Don't hate Sam because she reminds you of Sara, and don't like her because she reminds you of Sara. She's Sam, a person in her own right..."
"Thank you Dr. Mindreader, now if you don't mind, I've got to go and have my beauty sleep!" Jack snapped, shrugging her hand off his shoulder.
"I'm right, Jack, and you know it." Janet's words followed him out of the room, taunting him despite their gentle deliverance.
~o0o~
Oh sometimes
When all your dreams
May have seen better days
and when you don't know how or why
but you lost your way
Have no fear
when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear that I'll be there
come what may
~o0o~
"You didn't listen to me, did you?" Janet asked softly, watching as an incredibly upset Captain Carter nearly ran from the room as a furious Colonel stomped out of it in the opposite direction.
"Dr?" General Hammond glanced at her curiously, having caught her comment without her intending for him to hear it.
"Nothing, General." Janet shook her head slightly, looking down at the papers in her hands.
"I'm concerned about the working relationship of SG-1." General Hammond said eventually, earning a raised eyebrow from Teal'C and a curious, if not somewhat defensive 'what?' from Daniel. "It appears to me that the Colonel and the Captain aren't getting along. At all."
"Well...they do disagree sometimes..." Daniel agreed slowly.
"I can't afford to compromise my teams because of people who can't put their differences aside." General Hammond said bluntly.
"So what are you going to do? Split us up?"
"I'll probably have to transfer Captain Carter..." General Hammond said reluctantly.
"General...if I could talk to Jack I'm sure I could convince him..."
"Relax Dr. Jackson, I'm just giving you a warning. This next mission to the outpost on Hanka will be the opportunity for me to evaluate the balance of this team. If it goes well and no major dramas flare up, then SG-1 will remain the same for a while. Make sure you tell both the Colonel and the Captain of my decision." He added, standing up with resignation on his face.
"I don't understand why they don't like each other." Daniel commented eventually to Janet. "Well, okay, I can understand Sam not liking Jack because he's been a complete ass to her, but I don't understand why he's such an ass to her? I mean, his kid loves her and she's a great person..."
"That's the problem." Janet sighed softly.
"Does Captain Carter not bear a significant resemblance to O'Neill's deceased wife?" Teal'C asked pointedly.
"Well...yeah, I suppose she does." Daniel agreed.
"Sara hurt him." Janet said bluntly. "Sam reminds him of Sara. One and one equal two." Janet shrugged.
"I know, but it's not right."
"I know that, Daniel. I've talked to him." Janet sighed. "You try and see what happens." She stood up, gathering her papers.
"Okay, I will." Daniel agreed, leaving the room and followed closely by his shadow, Teal'C.
* * *
"So this is a test then? To see if we stay together or not?" Jack complained, glaring at Sam who shot him an equally potent look.
"Yes." Daniel glared at both of them. "Now stop acting like kids and just try to get along for crying out loud!"
"That's my line." Jack said snappily.
"I don't care. Anyone would think you want Sam off your team!"
"Who says I don't?" Jack shot back.
"If that's the case, *Colonel*, why don't you get me transferred then?" Sam yelled at him, anger blazing in her eyes.
"So it's my fault now, is it?"
"Damnit Colonel, what the hell is your problem?" Sam stopped walking and turned furiously towards Jack. "You've been treating me like shit, and I've done absolutely nothing to you!"
"Watch your language, *Captain*! Do you want to be court marshalled?" Jack retorted.
"You're not answering my question, *Colonel*, you're just avoiding it!"
Jack was saved from having to respond by Teal'C's quiet warning.
"O'Neill!" He pointed up ahead at a body lying on the ground.
Abandoning their argument, both Jack and Sam silently approached the body and jerked back in shock when they saw it.
"Shit!" Jack hissed, immediately pulling the disinfectant out of his pack. "Gas masks, now!" He ordered when the rest saw the man.
"What happened to him?" Sam wondered out loud, her eyes large in her face as she took in the gruesome details.
"I don't know. Let's meet up with the other SG teams at the barracks and find out what's going on." Jack decided. Wordlessly Sam fell into step beside him and together they all jogged towards the barracks that had been erected a few weeks ago.
Daniel couldn't help but wish that the two military members of SG-1 would get along together like they could work together. When they were operating in battle mode or carrying out a task, they worked together like a single unit, absolutely in sync with the other. On the other hand, when they weren't working together they were bickering, arguing and generally had to be kept apart because Daniel was scared they could come to blows. The only thing the two of them seemed to be able to agree on was Charlie, and that was the only reason that Sam was nearly a permanent fixture at the O'Neill household.
* * *
"There's something in those bushes." Sam whispered, her eyes catching movement again.
"What is it?" Daniel asked, squinting to try and see better through the long grass.
"I don't know." Sam replied, rolling her eyes.
"I will find out." Teal'C disappeared into the grass. Seconds later he appeared again, leading a hesitant little girl behind him. "She is unarmed." He stated.
"Hello." Sam knelt down, studying the pale face framed with long red hair. "My name's Sam, what's yours?" She was met with silence as the girl nervously studied her.
"Charm seems to be fading, Carter." O'Neill said sarcastically, turning away. "Let's get her to the unit and try to find out what's wrong with her." He turned and led the way to where Janet Fraiser was stationed.
* * *
"I'm staying here, Colonel." Carter's voice was wobbly, he knew she was scared.
"Damnit Captain, get your six to the surface, NOW!" He ordered.
"No Sir, I'm not leaving her." He felt like going down there himself, slapping that too attractive face from one side of the millenium to the other, and then carrying her bodily out of there.
"Captain, you are disobeying a direct order!" He screeched at her, feeling fear clutch at his heart suddenly. Fear? Why was he scared and worried suddenly? His palms were clammy with sweat. Fear. It was all over him suddenly.
"Up yours, Colonel." Her voice reached him calmly and coolly, and then she refused to respond his calls.
"Charlie...what about Charlie, Carter?" He demanded into the little box, throwing his last card onto the table.
"I...I'm sorry, Sir. Tell him I love him, okay?" She whispered, and he could imagine those slender fingers running down the little intercom as if she could reach out and stroke Charlie's face like she did when she tucked him in sometimes.
"You love him?" Jack was surprised, he knew she cared about Charlie...but loved him?
"Yes. He's a good kid." He heard something that sounded suspiciously like a sniff.
"Carter...Sam...please." He begged, not caring that Daniel and Teal'C were standing there, watching him beg, observing the raw emotions of fear and the sudden rush of emotion he felt for this woman.
"I'm sorry, Colonel, really." Her voice was sincere, and for the first time Jack felt as though he had missed out on something by pushing this woman away from him.
"Carter...I'm..."
"Forget it Sir." Her voice was cold, as if she knew he was going to make an eleventh hour plea for forgiveness. "Just tell Charlie, okay?" And then she was gone. He knew she'd turned the intercom off.
There was silence in the room.
"Ten seconds." Daniel whispered, closing his eyes and dropping the timer.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Jack opened one eye and strained to hear something.
"Captain?" He touched the intercom hesitantly, scared that she wouldn't respond. Nothing. There was silence. "Carter? Damnit Carter, answer me!"
"Colonel!" Her voice was breathless, he could almost imagine the adrenaline pumping through her veins as it was pumping through his. "We're okay Sir, we're okay!" She was laughing and he could here her sniffing inbetween the melodious chimes.
"Get your six up here pronto, Carter." He couldn't help turning his relief, his elation into anger, the ice that he was so used to showing this Captain of his. How could he show her that he didn't really mean those things he told her? That he didn't really hate her? How could he show her who he really was when she had already formed an opinion of him. He'd ruined it, and didn't know how to relate to her now. He'd made them into enemies, when they should have been friends.
"Jack!" Daniel snapped.
"She disobeyed my orders, Daniel." Jack said coldly, glaring at the younger man. "Regardless of whether she was right or wrong, she disobeyed my orders."
"So you're embarrassed because you were shown up by a woman." Daniel spat, his eyes disgusted. "I thought you were better than this, Jack. I really did." He turned and walked away.
The elevator door opened and a very defiant Sam Carter stepped out, closely clutching Cassie against her.
"Get in the car, Captain." Jack barked, and then walked away as well.
~o0o~
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh, come to you.
~o0o~
He stared down at the carpet nervously. Nervous? General Jacob Carter, nervous? Things really were bad.
"General?" He hated the way the nurses called him by his rank. General. Not a mark of respect on their tone, just sympathy and a slight amount of affection. It was a nickname to them, not a symbol of honour, of what he spent his whole life working for. He felt like a horse called General. An old man. He didn't feel like a General in the USAF.
"General Carter?" The voice pesisted.
"Yeah." He stood up, forcing his aching back straight and ignoring the spinning sensation he'd been feeling for far too long.
"This way, please." The nurse guided him through the corridors to the little office he was so used to going for his check-up.
"How is it?" He demanded as soon as the nurse left. Why bother with pleasantries? This was as serious as the Gulf War.
"General...Jacob...if you'd come to us earlier..." The doctor trailed off, his eyes telling Jacob everything he needed to know. "Maybe if you'd come to that first appointment instead of playing fit and healthy we could have slowed this down or even stopped it..."
"So how long do I have?"
"A few months, maybe a year." The Dr. sighed, sorrow in his light blue eyes.
"So what do I do now?"
"Well...we can get you going on the chemo again, a stronger course to slow it down if you like."
"Yeah. Anything. I'm not going to be beaten by a squadron of the little buggers I can't even see." Jacob's eyes glinted. And, he thought silently, I have to see my kids again.
"What about your family?" The Dr. seemed to read his mind, "I'd reccommend getting in contact with them...you know..."
"Yeah. I'll do that." Jacob smiled a skew smile. Maybe Sam wouldn't mind her old man hanging around for a while.
"That's good." The Dr. smiled slightly again and motioned for Jacob to sit down so that they could start discussing his options.
~o0o~
'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends
Now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there
Come what may
~o0o~
Sam smiled as Cassie and Charlie each gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Have fun!" She laughed as they turned their attention to Janet, waved once more and then took off up the path that led them to school.
"So what now?"
"I don't know. I'd like to go back to base for a while..."
"Sam, you're on down time!" Janet admonished, a smile lighting her eyes.
"With nothing to do!" Sam retorted, rolling her eyes.
"What about hanging around with me for a while?"
"What are you doing?" Sam asked suspiciously.
"Oh just the usual, catching up on housework, some baking, maybe gardening..." Janet laughed. "Or we could just have a girls day out?" She asked hopefully.
"Whatever you want. Just don't include me in baking plans unless you want your whole house destroyed." Sam laughed, getting back into her car.
"You can't be that bad!" Janet shook her head defiantly, slipping into the passenger seat next to Sam.
"Oh yes I can." Sam said ruefully, pulling her face into a look of horror as she remembered her last attempts at baking. "I nearly burnt my last place to the ground when I tried to cook a roast for Thanksgiving." Sam admitted, a shadow crossing her eye as she remembered.
"Oh?" Janet waited for the rest of the story.
"Jonas wasn't happy." Sam muttered, refusing to let the sudden memories his name brought with him ruin her day.
"Jonas?" Janet waited, curious.
"My ex-fiance." Sam shrugged, turning into the lane.
"I never knew you were engaged."
"I broke it off with him about two weeks before the first Abydos mission." Sam admitted casually, desperately searching for some way to turn the conversation away from herself without appearing too obvious.
"Oh. Would it be prying if I asked why?"
"No." Sam lied. "It just didn't work, wasn't meant to be. We were both career orientated and he wanted kids...I didn't." She shrugged as if it was no big deal. "What about you?"
"Yeah...I was married once."
"I remember you saying something about that." Sam turned the corner, relieved that the conversation was no longer on her.
"Mm. Same as you, I suppose. Men can be such...."
"Watch that language!" Sam joked, lightening the situation.
Janet grinned, settling back into her seat. "Can I ask you something? I mean, I know we're not really good friends or anything, but are you okay?"
"What do you mean, am I okay?" Sam narrowed her eyes in confusion.
"Well...your CO is treating you like dirt, but you still subject yourself to his treatment at least once a day because you get along like a house on fire with his kid."
"I'm okay." Sam said shortly, refusing to admit her anger at her CO.
"Sam..."
"Look Janet, I don't like that guy. At all. Okay, maybe I do a bit. He's a good father...and he has some good points like these huge morals and standards he places on himself...but as far as I'm concerned he's just some guy with a stick up his ass." She shrugged calmly, nodding her head firmly as if to emphasise her point.
"Why go round to his place then? Why not ask for a transfer?" Janet was curious.
"I was at his place when he found out Sara was killed." She admitted, sorrow lighting her eyes for a minute as she remembered her CO's face. "He wasn't in any state to drive, and so out of me and Daniel, I was the logical choice to drive him to get Charlie. The poor kid was so confused and scared....I felt sorry for him. He's just kind of grown on me." Sam glanced nervously at Janet. "It's stupid, but I sort of feel as though he's my own. I love him like he's my own, but I hate his father."
"You know, I talked to Kowalsky before he died..." Janet watched Sam closely. "He said that Sara's leaving him broke the guy. He said that Sara had refused to let Jack see Charlie, so he turned suicidal for a while, figuring he had nothing left to live for."
"I know that..."
"All I'm saying is, you look a lot like Sara."
"No, I don't." Sam frowned in confusion.
"Yes, you do. Blond hair, blue eyes. From a distance he could quite easily mistake you for Sara. He loved her very much...and if he keeps seeing you and mistaking you for Sara...it's no wonder that he's going to treat you like this." Janet admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me before? Maybe I should have died my hair black and gotten green contacts." Sam snapped sarcastically.
"His sarcasm is rubbing off on you." Janet smirked.
"You know what really annoys the hell out of me? The fact that it was getting better for a while...until Charlie came to live with him. Then, it started getting better again but three weeks ago, when we found Cassie and she didn't 'explode', it all started going down hill again." Sam sighed. "I just don't understand why he's treating me like this, and that's what makes me mad."
Janet glanced at Sam thoughtfully. Her mind spun, tempting her to tell Sam what Daniel had told her.
"He cares about her, Janet." Daniel stated, dropping onto a chair, satisfaction on his face.
"Who cares about who?"
"Jack cares about Sam."
"What? Could have fooled me." Janet raised an eyebrow, questioning Daniel's sanity.
"He does. I think it's the reason he doesn't get her transferred."
"And just how do you know this?" Janet watched him closely.
"When Sam stayed with Cassie...he was nearly crying he was begging that hard. Then, when he found out she was okay it was like you could see his relief...Jack doesn't show his emotions Janet, we both know that. These emotions were so huge...he couldn't hold them in."
"So you're suggesting that our Colonel's scared he might like Sam more than he'd care to admit, and he's hiding that by treating her like crap to keep the hostilities in place?"
"Yes."
"Problem." Janet sighed, rubbing her face with her hands. She should have seen this coming.
"Hello, Janet?" Sam glanced over at Janet.
"What?"
"I lost you for a while there."
"Sorry...I was just thinking about a conversation I had with Daniel."
"Really?" Sam raised an eyebrow skeptically.
"I....Watch out!" Janet screamed suddenly.
~o0o~
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
Oh, I will come to you
Oh, I will come to you
~o0o~
Jack picked up the phone.
"O'Neill."
"Jack...it's Daniel. There's been an accident...Janet and Sam...oh God...Jack..."
"Daniel...calm down!" Jack sat upright, his eyes wide. "Charlie was with them...what happened?" He demanded.
He heard Daniel breathe deeply and then speak again. "They dropped the kids off at school." He swallowed again and Jack heard him stifle a sob. Oh god, no, not Sam!
"Is she okay? What's happened to Sam?" Jack demanded hoarsely.
"She's in hospital...I don't know...they can't tell me anything...Jack..I...Janet didn't...she didn't..." He broke down, Jack could hear the sobs over the phone and felt his own heart twist. He'd grown close to that petite little doctor who'd enjoy'd stabbing him with needles. There, see, past tense. He'd done it. Another woman he'd loved (albeit like a sister) had died. That's just why he couldn't like Sam...she'd probably end up dying too.
"Where is Sam?" He demanded, forgetting his hostilities with her.
"She's in the Academy Hospital...they were on their way there apparently..."
"I'll meet you there, Daniel."
"What about Cassie and Charlie?"
"I'll get them." Jack grunted before slamming the phone down and running out of the house, his heart racing.
* * *
"Dad!" Charlie's eyes opened wide with delight as he caught sight of his Dad striding from his car to the building.
"What was that, Charlie?"
"My Dad's here." Charlie said matter-of-factly.
"Why's Jack here?" Cassie whispered to him, curious. "Did you forget your lunch again?"
"NO!" Charlie rolled his eyes in a very Jack O'Neill like motion. "Sam put it in my bag." He added as an after-thought.
"Is she your Daddy's girlfriend?" Cassie whispered, her eyes narrowed, remembering the new terminology.
"No." Charlie sighed. "Daddy doesn't really like Sam, I can tell."
"Why not?"
"I don't know." Charlie shrugged. "I like Sam. She's like my Mom..."
"Mine too." Cassie nodded her head.
"No she's not...Janet's got brown hair and brown eyes and she's short! Like you!" He teased her.
"Charlie!" Cassie snapped at him, turning back to her work.
The class paused as a knock sounded on the door. Jack stepped into the room and caught Charlie's eye. Instantly Charlie froze. Something was wrong. Jack wasn't smiling with his eyes, just his mouth. Cassie sensed it too, and felt horror unfolding in her stomach like a bud.
"Charlie...Cassie...the Colonel's come to take you guys away..." The teacher was also smiling, but not with her eyes. Charlie's fear was increased tenfold when he felt a sympathetic pat on his head and saw the teacher squeeze Cassie's arm comfortingly.
"What's wrong, Dad?" Charlie demanded as they walked down the hallway, one holding onto each of Jack's hands.
Jack sighed, closing his eyes. Glancing around quickly, he dropped to his knees and turned to face them at their own height.
"Where's Janet? Where's Sam?" Cassie blurted out, tears threatening to spill.
"Uh...oh jeez." Jack rubbed his face with his hands.
"Is Sam dead?" Charlie asked bluntly, his face pale and crushed.
"No...Sam's not dead." Jack choked out, pulling them towards him.
"You hate Sam, don't you?" Charlie whispered, hugging Dad.
"No, I don't hate Sam. I just...I'm stupid sometimes...and I was stupid to be mean to Sam." He whispered into their hair. "Cass...I'm sorry..." He felt her own tears against his neck.
"Something happened to Janet, didn't it?" She knew, she wasn't stupid.
"Yeah. They had a car accident. She...she died." Jack nodded, not letting them go. He glanced at Cassie, watching her emotionless little face. It should worry him, but then again, she'd only been with Janet for a while...not long enough to really become attached.
"Is Sam okay?" Cassie sniffed, drawing strength from Jack.
"I don't know. She's alive...but she's in hospital. We're going there now." He told them, standing up reluctantly.
"Okay." They took one hand each and followed him out to his car.
* * *
Jacob slumped down on the bench, holding his head in his hands. Not again. Not Sam, not again.
"Jacob." He heard a familiar voice.
"George." He started in surprise. What on earth was George Hammond doing here? "What are you doing here."
"Sam...." George noted the paleness of Jacobs cheeks and the redness of his eyes.
"You know my Sam?"
"She's in my command." George admitted, a dry smile on his face.
"Oh. Since when are you into 'deep space radar telemetry?'" Jacob asked suspiciously.
"A while now. I'm not actually involved there though...just a nice little thing before I retire...you know what I mean." George sat down next to Jacob. "She's a good soldier, Jacob, she'll pull through."
"I know...but...."
"She's done it once, she'll do it again."
"George, most people never go into a coma, a few of those that do wake up. Those that wake up almost never go into a coma again and come out of it." Jacob said bitterly.
"She's a fighter Jacob, like you."
"Sometimes you go down, no matter how hard you fight."
"Jacob..."
"George...she's got spinal injuries, concussion, fractured skull, broken arms, ribs, legs galore and blood loss. You know the odds yourself."
"Jacob..."
"General Hammond." Jack O'Neill's voice caused both General's to turn around. Jacob glanced suspiciously at the man, a war-hardened soldier. Anyone could tell a mile off. What the hell was this guy doing here?
"Colonel O'Neill...I see Dr. Jackson got a hold of you then." Hammond smiled tightly, relieved at the concern and worry evident in even O'Neill's eyes.
"Yeah. I got the kids before I came by...they're with Daniel in the cafeteria." Jack nodded, glancing at the other man next to his General.
"Colonel...I'd like you to meet General Carter."
"Carter Sir?" Jack inclined his head politely towards the man. Now wasn't the time to play word games or anything.
"As in Sam's father." Jacob agreed, narrowing his eyes. "And you are?"
"Carter's CO." Jack said bluntly.
Jacob narrowed his eyes. What? He would be willing to bet that this guy didn't know the difference between an atom and an ion.
"How's she doing?" Jack continued, turning away the next question that was obviously going to be awkward for him to answer.
"Not good." General Hammond admitted, closing his eyes slightly. "She's in a coma again."
"Again?" Jack narrowed his eyes. What was going on here?
"Yes, you do know about her other car accident?" Jacob glanced suspiciously at this man. What kind of man didn't know about his 2IC's previous medical records?
"Yes...I know she was in one. It was before I met her though." Jack said slowly, glancing at them.
"She nearly died in that one Jack, they think it's a miracle she survived completely intact." Hammond licked his lips slightly.
"She's gonna make it. She has to." Jack shrugged. Carter was so damn stubborn and spiteful she's survive and come back even more vicious that before, just to spite him.
"Colonel...I don't think you quite understand. She's in there with spinal injuries this time, in a coma, broken bones in nearly every damn part of her body and blood loss." A Dr. announced from behind them. "Add to that list one collasped lung as well." He said softly.
"What are you saying?" Jack demanded, anger surfacing. Jacob narrowed his eyes. Why was George looking so surprised at the Colonel's obvious anger and fear?
"There's nothing more we can do for her." He said regretfully.
"So what, we say our goodbyes now?" Jacob asked tiredly, holding his head in his hands.
"She's in ICU. I'll let you each have a few minutes with her..."
"What about the kids?" Jack demanded.
"Kids?" Jacob's eyes widened slightly.
"Cassie and Charlie." Jack inserted.
"His son and Janet Fraiser's little girl." General Hammond explained, realising what Jacob must have thought, judging by Jack's reaction.
"I don't think that will be such a good idea..." The Dr. shook his head.
Jack sighed. He'd really ruined things now. He shouldn't have treated Sam the way he had...he should have accepted her.
* * *
"Dad...when's Sam coming home?" Charlie asked as Jack tucked him into bed, putting the worn teddy bear next to him. Charlie had taken to sleeping with that bear again. He'd only slept with it for a few weeks after Sara's death, and then it had gotten a place of honour on the shelf, and had then been loaned out to Cassie for a while when she first went to live with Janet.
Jack sighed as he looked at the fur that had nearly all been rubbed off. Sam had given that bear to him the second time she saw him, told him it had helped her sleep after her Mom had died. He still didn't know when her Mom died, he just knew she was very bitter about it.
"Dad?" Charlie looked at him.
"Hm?" He asked, looked back at his son and turning his attention away
"When's Sam coming home?"
"I don't know Charlie. She's still in a coma and the doctors don't know if she's going to wake up or not." Jack sat next to Charlie. Charlie was nearly thirteen, but Jack didn't know how to deal with the issue of death..and neither did Charlie apparently. Sam was good at talking to him, making him understand.
"Jack?" Cassie's murmur from the doorway caught their attention.
"What's up Cass?" He motioned for her to join them, and she did, cuddling her tiny frame onto his lap and leaning against him.
"If Sam doesn't get better, who's going to look after me?" She asked softly.
"I will." Jack promised, aware that Sam had been Cassie's guardian if anything happened to Janet.
"You will?"
"Yeah. Always."
"What if something happens to you?" Charlie asked in a small voice.
"It won't Charlie, I promise." Jack stated, closing his eyes and sending a prayer that his promise would be kept for a very, *very* long time.
"But Mommy died, and Janet died, and now Sam's going to die."
"She's not necessarily going to die, Charlie, she's just...very sick at the moment." Jack sighed, wishing for someone to intervene so he could stop trying to answer questions.
"You want her to die." Charlie snapped suddenly, angry at his Dad.
"What? NO! I don't want her to die Charlie!"
"Yes you do. You hate Sam. You always yell at her, always say horrible things to her. You hate her!" Charlie yelled.
"No! Charlie, I don't hate Sam." Jack shook his head vehemently.
"You don't like her though." Cassie inserted, her serious eyes saying nothing he could say would change either one of their minds.
"No...that's not true." Jack sighed, hating himself even more. "Okay...so maybe I didn't like her at first...but she kind of grew on me." Jack tried to explain.
"Why didn't you like her?"
"She looked like your Mom, and I still loved your Mom." Jack knew he wasn't making sense to them, or to himself either. "When your Mom died and Sam was still alive, I wished she had died and Sara was still alive..." He whispered, hating the truth for what it was. "But...it was wrong of me to think that...and I'm sorry I did." He added.
"Now Sam's going to die anyway." Charlie narrowed his eyes at his Dad. "Sam's nice, Dad, I love Sam." He stated. "I wish you loved her too so that she could be my Mommy." He started crying. Cassie joined in as well, clutching herself tightly to Jack.
"I hope she doesn't die, Charlie, honest. I want to say sorry for all the horrible things I've done and I want to be her friend too, okay?" He whispered, holding the crying children.
"Okay." Charlie didn't let go.
~o0o~
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dying
And you need the strength to keep trying
I'll reach out and take your hand
I'll reach out for your hand
~o0o~
"Hello?"
"Daniel, what do you want?" Jack grunted into the phone, carefully shifting himself out from underneath the two tiny bodies sprawled over him.
"She woke up, Jack! She woke up. Last night at about two o'clock she woke up for a few minutes!" Daniel yelled into the phone.
"Is she okay?"
"Well....she's not okay yet...but they're starting to think she will be."
"I told them she'd make it." Jack felt relief. He'd never doubted her, he realised, but still...
"You're happy, aren't you."
"Yeah, I am." Jack sighed, knowing the conversation was going to get personal soon.
"Why?"
"My kids would never forgive me if she died." He said softly, avoiding the issue.
"Oh." Daniel paused. "You know Jack, I thought we were friends." He said suddenly.
"We are, aren't we?" Jack was surprised. He'd been considering Daniel and Teal'C his best friends lately, and was pretty sure they returned the feelings.
"We were. But if you can't accept Sam and treat her as a normal human being, then I don't want to know you anymore."
Jack stared at the receiver in shock. Had that just happened? Had Dr. Daniel Jackson...timid geek archeologist who got high over a new discover of rocks, really just hung up on him? Oh yeah, things were bad.
* * *
"Are we going to see Sam?" Cassie asked, her voice dull. Jack winced. This was killing them. They weren't happy at school, the teachers eventually told him after a few days that they'd probably be better off at home until the 'situation' was over. Jack, decided, that mean until Sam either woke up for good or died for good. Geez, what he wouldn't sell for a sarcophogus.
"Dad." Charlie sighed, studying his dad closely. Lately, he often didn't hear them, completely lost in thought.
"What?" Jack was completely unaware of Cassie's question.
"Are we going to see Sam?" The car stopped in the parking spot.
"I don't know Cass...depends on what the doctors say." Jack personally thought that if the kids were allowed to see and talk to Sam, even though she was still unconscious like she'd been for the last week since she woke up, then she'd hurry up and get better.
"Oh." The disappointment hung heavy in the car.
"Jack! Cassie! Charlie!" Daniel's enthusiastic grin greeted them as they rounded the corner. "She's awake! She woke up about five minutes ago!" He panted as they all started jogging towards Sam's room.
"Can we see her this time?" Charlie begged.
"Yes." Jack said, making up his mind. Who cares what doctors said anyway? They were wrong when they said she wouldn't pull through, they were wrong about Cassie and Charlie not being supposed to see her too.
"She must have known we were going to visit her!" Cassie laughed as they slowed at the corridor where the kids were always detained.
"I'm sorry...only two at a time." The nurse told them when they explained what they were after. "When her father and the General come out one of you can go in with one of the children." She told them.
"Can I go with Daniel?" Charlie asked hopefully.
"Okay." Jack agreed, confused.
* * *
Sam closed her eyes, wishing that the stupid tube in her mouth could be pulled out.
'Tomorrow', the doctor had said. Who cared about tomorrow? If her arms weren't in plaster and she didn't hurt *quite* so much, she'd just reach up herself and pull the damn thing out herself.
"Hey kiddo." She heard a familiar voice and turned her head slightly to one side.
Dad, what was he doing here? She frowned slightly, forcing herself to keep her eyes open. When was the last time she'd been so tired? Why was she here anyway, and where exactly was 'here'? What had happened?
"No, don't try to talk, Sam." Her Dad said gently, his fingers touching her hand softly.
"Good to see you awake, Major." She looked towards the foot of the bed, blinking slightly to try and clear her vision. General Hammond. What was General Hammond doing here, with her Dad?
"Sh...it's okay Sam...you're in hospital...the Academy Hospital." Her Dad saw the questions in her eyes, as always, and answered them for her.
"We'll come and see you again later, okay?" General Hammond's hand gently guided her Dad out of the room. Watching the go, Sam couldn't help but wonder what on earth had happened.
"Hey Sam." She heard Daniel's soft whisper before her eyes identified his form moving across the floor towards her. She tried to smile, she really did, but her face hurt too much and she was so tired. "There's someone here who'd like to talk to you." He added, and she caught sight of Charlie.
"Hey Sam!" He grinned brightly at her, his eyes wide with shock as he looked her.
'What, do I look that bad?' Sam lifted one eyebrow slightly as a small smile managed to appear on her face before she closed her eyes again.
"I missed you." Charlie whispered, and she felt his warm little hand on her cooller one. Mustering all her strength and ignoring her screaming arms, she squeezed his fingers slightly before her arms turned to jello. Again.
"Come on...let's give the others a turn." Daniel smiled at her, touched her forehead gently and walked out.
Others? Who were 'others'?
Oh, no. Not him. Not now. Sam closed her eyes, pretending to be alseep.
"Hey Sam." She heard Cassie's little voice, sounding slightly scared. She opened her eyes again and caught sight of the little girl, looking somewhat pale and miserable, beaming at her with a high voltage grin.
As with Charlie, she squeezed Cassie's hand gently before glancing curiously at Jack.
He watched as she fought to keep her eyes open. Pain, confusion and exhaustion clouded those blue depths, but the joy Jack had seen in them when she'd realised that Cassie was in the room was real. She loved both Cassie and Charlie.
Cassie watched with a slight surprise and Jack leant over and gave the sleeping woman a slight kiss on the forhead, touched her hand gently and then led the way out of the room.
Maybe, just maybe, things would be okay now.
~o0o~
I'll come to you, oh
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you,
oh, I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
oh, I will come to you
oh, come to you
I will come to you
oh, I will come to you
I will come to you
~o0o~
"Hi Sam!" The two children bounced across the room, bearing gifts of cards, paintings and a rather wilted looking bunch of flowers.
"Hi Cass, Charlie!" Sam laughed slightly, ignoring the ache in her ribs. God, what was a little pain to brighten their day. She didn't understand why seeing her made them so happy. She was the one that had crashed the car, after all, so she was the one that had killed Janet.
"We made you some cards...and all our friends signed it too!" Cassie announced, pushing the big piece of paper in front of Sam.
"Wow, it's beautiful." She complimented, touching Cassie's cheek lightly.
"Look...that's you...that's me...there's Charlie and Jack...and here's Janet with my Mom and Charlie's Mom." Cassie pointed to three figures with wings.
Sam didn't even realise there were tears on her cheeks until Cassie reached up a gentle hand and touched the salty wetness with compassion.
"I'm sorry." Sam whispered, licking her lips.
"It's okay." Cassie told her, confused.
"You don't have to say sorry for crying," Charlie added, "It's not bad."
"No, I know it's not bad." Sam couldn't stop the tears.
"Hey...why don't you two go and get a chocolate bar for Sam...I'm sure that will cheer her up." Jack's voice reached them all. Cassie looked like she was about to protest, but Charlie agreed, sending his Dad a very pointed look.
"What? You here to yell at me for crashing? I wasn't responsible enough to keep the damn car on the road? Woman shouldn't be driving, even less in the airforce?" She bit out, her eyes flashing.
"No, I'm not." Jack said softly, realising that it was his own fault she was like this with him.
"Then what are you doing? Other than making my life a living hell."
"I...I wanted to say sorry." Jack shuffled his feet and looked at the floor.
"For what?" Sam lifted her own head and stared at him, disbelief and fury on her features. "For treating me like shit? For being a bastard and the worst damn CO in history?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"And what, you want me to forgive you?" She demanded, anger clouding her eyes.
"Yes." He whispered hopefully.
"God you've got nerve." Sam nearly snorted in laughter. She ignored the pounding in her head and stared at him. "You want *my* forgiveness?" She asked again, suddenly realising something. "You don't need it."
"What?" Jack glanced up with a start.
"Nothing you can say or do to me will ever equal what I've done to you. I should be the one asking for forgiveness." She closed her eyes again, shifting slightly on the bed and grimacing in pain.
"For what?" Jack couldn't be more confused if he tried.
"I killed Janet." She said simply. "I was driving...I killed one of your best friends and you're here asking me for forgiveness." Sam sniffed, her eyes glazed.
"Carter...Sam...no one blames you. That other guy, he was speeding. Nothing you could have done would have saved Janet. If anything, you tried." He approached her bed slowly and gently reached out to get her more comfortable.
"What?" She blinked at him, confused.
"You could have turned the car so that she was the one facing him. You didn't, you took the full impact." Jack admitted.
"She still died though."
"Yeah. The car spun...you were already out of it - apparently - and hit a tree. She just got unlucky. Chances are, if that tree wasn't there, she'd still be walking today." He told her gently, wiping away her tears with a tissure and smoothing her hair, much like he would have done to Charlie.
"So why are you suddenly so keen to say sorry?"
"Well...for Janet mainly." Jack admitted, forcing himself not to run. "She...she wasn't happy with me." He stated mildly, remembering Janet's fury at his behaviour. "She wanted me to say sorry...she said I was being unfair to you and missing out..."
"Were you?" Sam asked softly, studying him carefully.
"Was I what?"
"Being unfair to me?"
"Yes." Jack nodded, deciding to be completely honest. "I hated you because you were alive and Sara wasn't." He said simply, hating the cold truth. "Janet wanted me to tell you...but I was embarrassed. I didn't want to...admit I was wrong." He struggled to keep his stance, to not run away in fear.
"And now?" Sam looked at the roof.
"I'm sorry. I hated you because of my anger towards Sara...and I didn't let myself get to know you...and I think Janet was right when she said I was missing out. Everyone else loves you..." He trailed off.
"They shouldn't. I don't love myself." Sam said matter-of-factly.
"For crying out loud, Carter...no one blames you for the accident..."
"I do. I should have been paying attention to the road...I should have been going slower...I shouldn't have been so careless..." Sam listed, refusing to look at Jack. "My second time, huh." She added.
"What?"
"The last accident...I can't remember what happened. I do remember when I was driving before the accident, and I remember not paying attention and having a close call with a truck." She shuddered involuntarily. "They should ban me from the roads."
"Carter..."
"Colonel, I really don't feel like arguing with now, okay?" She sighed, closing her eyes.
"But you're wrong..."
"I don't care. Sir." She didn't look at him. "No matter how much you argue, you're not going change the fact that I'm the one who killed her. Even if you guys forgive me - which you shouldn't - I'll never forgive myself. Never." Sam stated closing her eyes.
"Okay." Jack sighed, standing up. "So...are we okay now?" He asked hopefully.
"What do you mean okay?" Sam yawned, forcing her eyes open.
"Okay as in no more hating each other?"
"Friends, you mean?"
"Yeah."
"No." Sam shook her head. "I'm not your friend, Colonel, and you're not mine. I can be civil to you...I can treat you with respect but I don't know if I can ever be your friend, not after how you've treated me."
"Can I be your friend though?"
"What? If you want to waste your time, go ahead." Sam closed her eyes and slipped into sleep.
"Dad?"
"Mm?" Jack turned to Charlie.
"Are you friends with Sam now?"
"Yes, I'm Sam's friend now."
*********************************************************************
FINIS!!
Part Four: Turn back Time
Story Notes: Choices we Make_03: AUTHOR'S NOTES: Is this getting too melodramatic, or is it just me? This is taking waaay to long to write...but I so want to get it finished...hugs to Suds and Jo Raven!! You guys rock! Oh yeah, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism welcomed, but I don't need flames cos I don't smoke.
I Will Come To You Hanson (Used without permission. Sorry to say, I don't really like Hanson as
such, but the words appealed in this case. Let me just reaffirm that...I am *not* a teeny bopper.)
I Will Come To You Hanson (Used without permission. Sorry to say, I don't really like Hanson as
such, but the words appealed in this case. Let me just reaffirm that...I am *not* a teeny bopper.)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]