"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh."
5.23am
I am a Popsicle. A six foot three inch lump of solid ice. Blue in colour and raspberry flavoured because that's Carter's favourite.
Just don't ask where they put the stick..
5.24am
Wake up after what is possibly the most bizarre dream I've ever had to find the entire left side of my body numb with cold. Turn over but only succeed in numbing right side of body in similar fashion on the bare stone floor. Then remember where I am.
5.24 and 30 seconds
And why I'm here.
5.25am
Sit up, thus condemning only my butt to numbness, and spend the next forty minutes watching the dawn rise through the barred six inch square window and planning interesting ways for Daniel to die.
6.05am
Remember it's December 25th. Plan more inventive ways for Daniel to meet his maker.
6.34am
Object of my warped fantasies stirs in his sleep and murmurs, "Janet." Ha! I *knew* there was something going on between those two! I glance across at Carter and Teal'c who are both still dead to the world.
Lucky for some.
6.36am
Daniel's words come back to haunt me. "Just follow my lead and we'll be fine. They have strict protocols and are very easily offended so we have to be careful." Then he pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled. At the time I thought he looked nervous. It turned out he had good reason. It was only later we realised just how touchy the Tellerans actually were.
Tellerans. The very word makes me shudder. So stiff and buttoned up they looked in imminent danger of spraining something. Not my sort of people. They looked kind of like us, but neater. in an obsessive compulsive kind of way. And they had these little bells on chains round their necks that they rang when they met someone. So we got a new addition to our uniforms - little silver bells on chains that would have looked more at home in San Francisco circa 1969 than with BDUs. Daniel showed us how to hold our bells and shake them. just so. I listened. I paid attention. I shook my bell just like he said. I really did.
I think he got something wrong.
Because guess what? The Tellerans weren't impressed and the next thing we knew, we'd been herded into a cell and told we'd offended them and had to make recompense.
It turned out I'd shaken my bell at the First Minister in a manner that suggested unpleasant things about his mother.
Daniel will pay for this.
7.01am
Carter is waking up. God, she's cute when she's sleepy. Wish Daniel and Teal'c were on a planet far, far away.
She opens her eyes, looks straight at me and smiles. My insides turn to mush. Daniel and Teal'c don't need to be on a different planet, they can just stay asleep.
7.02am
Daniel and Teal'c wake up. Damn.
And Carter remembers what happened last night. Her smile fades to a look of steely contempt.
7.05am
Carter is Queen of the Bitter Recrimination. Apparently it's my fault we're here. Daniel's fault we're here. and Teal'c's fault we're here. Teal'c, quite rightly in my opinion, looked somewhat aggrieved at her assessment of the situation, as his only crime was not stopping me and Daniel doing whatever it was that got her pissed at us. I suspect the entire male gender could be guilty on this one.
And all because she didn't get back for the base Christmas party last night.
7.06am
What was so special about the party? It's the same every year. Walter Davis gets drunk, Hammond dresses up as Santa Claus and most of Doc Fraiser's nurses try to get Daniel under the mistletoe.
Unless she was planning on meeting someone there.
But who?
7.15am
Wish I could radio the base again so Hammond could send in the cavalry to rescue us.
But there's absolutely no chance of that. The Tellerans let me go to the Gate and make one call home last night and that was a complete disaster.
**
"Davis here. Go ahead Colonel." The sergeant's voice sounded suspiciously slurred above the roar of the party.
"Get me Hammond, will you, Walter?"
"He's kind of occupied, sir."
"Doing what?" I was beginning to lose my temper.
Davis giggled. "If I told you, I'd have to shoot you, sir."
"For crying out loud! This is an emergency, Davis!"
"I'll ask."
There was a long pause. "Nope, sorry, sir. He says 'Merry Christmas' and he' ll see you here later."
"No he won't!"
"There's no need to be like that, sir. Where's your Christmas spirit?"
Realising this was going nowhere, I muttered, "Bah humbug," and ended the transmission.
**
Davis would now be so hung over he probably wouldn't remember his own name, let alone my call. Hell, how long were we going to be stuck here?
8.12am
Telleran guard arrives with "breakfast". He even rang his little bell before he unlocked the door. I heard him, I swear.
For prison food it's not too bad. Some kind of fruit and a few bread rolls. Can't understand why I'm the only one eating. I look up to find three pairs of eyes staring at me like I'm public enemy number one. "What?" I ask, accidentally spraying breadcrumbs down my uniform.
"I don't see how you can eat at a time like this, sir," says Carter.
"We need to keep our strength up. We could be here for a while," I mumble, wondering what the purple lemon-shaped fruit tastes like. "You ought to eat too, Carter."
The ensuing silence is deafening.
What did I say?
9.35am
The arrival of four Telleran guards is heralded by a mass tinkling of bells that sounds like Santa and a full compliment of reindeer. They usher us out of the cell and down the corridor to the front door of the building. Despite my best efforts, they won't tell us where we're going. I think it could be because I didn't ring my bell in the right way.
When we get outside, it's been snowing. The whole place has been transformed into a winter wonderland. The big kid in me surfaces. "Hey, Carter. We're having a White Christmas!"
She doesn't look impressed. "Colorado is having a White Christmas too, sir," she replies, snippily.
The Tellerans push us towards a sleigh, pulled by a very tired looking horse. The horse swivels round and gives us the once over, apparently deciding whether or not to pull the sleigh. A giant bell round its neck tolls mournfully as it moves. Am beginning to know what Quasimodo felt like - "the bells, the bells.."
The sleigh has definitely seen better days. With the four of us, plus the driver, it's full to bursting, and seems in imminent danger of doing just that. I find myself jammed up against Carter, facing Teal'c and Daniel. Carter's thigh is pressing up against mine and I swear I can feel her touch burning through my pants leg. I can smell her perfume too. I swallow hard. This is going to be a very long sleigh ride.
10.15am
Still in the sleigh. Surely it's been longer than forty minutes. No matter how I sit, am still touching Carter.
10.26am
Can't this damn thing go any faster? This is torture.
10.41am
How far are we going? No sign of stopping anywhere yet. Have started to recite hockey stats in my head to prevent unprofessional thoughts.
10.42am
Failing miserably. I want to do some very unprofessional things with Carter. Right here, right now.
10.54am
Still in sleigh. Has my watch stopped?
10.55am
Is Carter rubbing her leg up and down against mine? I glance at her surreptitiously. Her face is the picture of innocence but the pressure against my thigh is unmistakeable.
Oh God.
Does she have *any* idea what she does to me?
10.57am
Glance at her again. She's smirking.
Yes, she knows exactly what she does to me.
11.12am
Finally arrive at large, important-looking building. Get yet more bells shaken at us as we're ushered out of the sleigh, up the front walk and in through the front door.
Come face to face with Major Paul Davis and Doctor Janet Fraiser. Both look kind of frayed round the edges. The Major is wearing sunglasses indoors on a dull day. He must have a spectacular hangover. or is trying too hard to look cool. Doc Fraiser winces at me, as if the effort of opening her eyes is excruciatingly painful.
"Good party, was it?" I ask bitterly.
The Doc frowns, then launches into what I have to assume is a rehearsed speech before I have chance to interrupt her. The Telleran guards watch with interest.
"We received your communication last night about your recurring health problem, Colonel."
My WHAT?
The look on her face tells me, on pain of giant hypodermics, not to say a word. I'm sure I just heard Daniel snigger.
"We have come to take you back to the base, before you embarrass yourself and your team any further, sir. I have explained to the Tellerans that when you're like this, you're not responsible for your actions and any offence you've caused was entirely a result of your little problem."
My LITTLE PROBLEM?
The only little problem I've got is a five foot two inch Napoleonic power-monger. I definitely hear another snigger. Carter this time, I think. I turn round and glare at the rest of SG1. Carter and Daniel are trying, and failing, to look the picture of innocence. Teal'c's eyebrows are about to go into orbit and he's looking at me with undisguised interest, apparently believing the crap Fraiser is spouting. He's going to tell my story to the National Enquirer, I know he is.
"What on earth did the Sergeant say?" I manage to splutter.
The Major and Doctor exchange glances.
"He was drunk," I say, stating the blindingly obvious. "I'm amazed he remembered I called."
"Well, he did say he'd been talking to Ebenezer Scrooge," added Paul Davis. "But we worked out who he meant."
I think I ought to be offended by that.
The Doc smiles. She's enjoying this far too much. "Sir, we ought to get you back to base. so we can give you your medication."
I'm definitely offended by that.
Carter takes my hand in hers and pats it. "She's right, sir. We need to get you back." I know I should be offended by that too, but her holding my hand is far too distracting. It feels soft and warm and the sensation does strange things to my insides. I let her lead me out of the building.
1.35pm
Get back to the Stargate and dial home.
Daniel finally overcomes his urge to laugh at my expense long enough to ask the Doc why we're being rescued in this 'rather unorthodox fashion'. (His words, not mine.)
It turns out that we were missed this morning and, when the SGC found out what had happened, Hammond came up with this little scenario so we didn't upset the Tellerans even more than I already had.
Nice going, George.
5.43pm
Showered, debriefed and now waiting in my office, as requested by Carter. Can't imagine what she wants, though an apology for doing nasty things to my blood pressure (and other things I won't go into) when we were in that sleigh would be nice. An explanation for her holding my hand long after we were out of sight of the Tellerans would be good too.
Can hear footsteps coming down the corridor. I stand up, just knowing it's her.
There's a light tap on the door. "Come in!" I shout, and the door swings open.
Breath totally knocked out of me by Carter. She looks stunning. beautiful. amazing. Words fail me. I manage to mumble, "Wow, you are. gorgeous," and try to stop myself drooling. She's wearing a kind of dark blue dress that clings in all the right places and reminds me in no uncertain terms that she's a woman.
She walks over to me, until she's no more than a foot away, then stops. "I'd planned it all," she says quietly. "What I was going to wear, what I was going to do. I'd been planning it for months. What I was going to do when we were alone together. How I was going to seduce you."
I just stare at her. My eyes must be out on stalks.
Carter was going to seduce me?
She pauses just to check I'm taking all this in. "But you jingled, instead of jangled, and we all ended up in jail."
So that's where I went wrong!
Carter was going to seduce me?
"When?" I blurt out. Not exactly a Shakespearean sonnet, I know, but I think I'm in shock.
She raises her eyebrows questioningly, then smiles when she realises what I mean. "At the party."
That's why she was in such a bad mood in prison! She wasn't meeting some guy at the party. she had planned to seduce *me*.
Oh boy.
Manage to recover enough of my scrambled and overheated brain cells to mutter, "We could have our own Christmas party. now."
"We could," she agrees, and steps closer to me. "In private." So close she's almost touching me. I can feel her breath on my face, smell her perfume. feel her lips on mine. "At my place."
11.55pm
A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell but I can say that over the last few hours there were fireworks, rockets blasting off and I'm fairly certain the earth moved. But do you know what the weirdest thing was?
I'm sure I heard bells ringing.
Story Notes: samandjack list Christmas challenge
Website:Wendy's Stargate Fan Fiction http://homepage.ntlworld.com/wendy.parkinson/stargate/index.htm
Date: 21/12/2003
Author's Notes: As usual, big hugs to Sue for the beta and the invaluable suggestion about the ending. I couldn't do it without you, dear! ;-)
For the interested, the challenge was to write a story with the following elements - Christmas off world; a handhold (between Sam/Jack, obviously); and the story summary is lyrics from a Christmas song.
And finally, I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Peaceful New Year. J
Copyright Wendy Parkinson December 2003
Website:Wendy's Stargate Fan Fiction http://homepage.ntlworld.com/wendy.parkinson/stargate/index.htm
Date: 21/12/2003
Author's Notes: As usual, big hugs to Sue for the beta and the invaluable suggestion about the ending. I couldn't do it without you, dear! ;-)
For the interested, the challenge was to write a story with the following elements - Christmas off world; a handhold (between Sam/Jack, obviously); and the story summary is lyrics from a Christmas song.
And finally, I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Peaceful New Year. J
Copyright Wendy Parkinson December 2003
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]