Journal Entry 2568... Dated: Nov. 28th, 1982
Today, I bacame a woman.
It seems silly to actually write that, but .... It's finally happened to me. And I'm scared.
Yeah, I had the course in school, all about the joy's of becoming a woman, but funny how the Nuns at St. Fransis of Assis never seemed to talk about the cramps not to mention the pain would be this intense. There must be something wrong. Sam, thought to herself, *I wish mom was here she would have had something special planned for this day, if only to keep my mind off the pain* she used to talk about it when I was very small, I remember snippits of conversations of how very wonderful this day would be. Now all I can think about is *Will I live through this *wonderful* day. Well Mom I can sure use your help! Sam thought to herself before getting back to her journal.
So, Dad's away, as usual, Mark is away at the Academy and would be no help at all unless of course I want to be publicly humilatied, which is the last thing I need today. But I really need to get to the drug store, I don't have a choice. I hate the hassle of leaving base. All those questions should be fun, well I hope the poor guy at the gate has a sense of humor cause I'm all out. Sam thinks to herslef with a small simile appearing to turn the edges of her mouth upward to a slight smile.
One last thought throws the smile full blown *I hope he has sisters...*
One hour later....
After Sam showered and changed, still not feeling one hundred percent, but needing to get out anyway, slowly makes her way to the door, with keys in hand , turns the knob slowly and walks out into the beautiful late autumn day. Only to find herself stopped dead in her tracks by a solid chest, a solid chest belonging to one of Mark's best friends from the Academy.
Gathering all her poise and dignity, Sam straightens and slowly raises her head to lock eyes with Jack O'Neill. The same Jack O'Neil that has been coming to her home since she was 12, when Mark first entered the Academy. He speaks for the first time.
"Sam, ahh sorry, I wasn't expecting to run into you... literally" he says with the 'Jack O'Neill' trade mark grin. I apologize quickly, averting my eyes at the same time. He smiles at me, but there is something else in his eyes, I can't quite put my finger on.
Sensing something is not quite right, Jack leans in and softly asks me if I'm okay. I blush a deep red and chastise myself for blushing over a simple question. It's not so much the question as the way he leans towards me and the tone of his voice, I can't recall hearing that tone before. I realise he is still watching me from a very close proximity, waiting for my anwser, it takes about 5 seconds before my mouth will work, when I come to my senses, I realise he is still wating for a answer. My mouth opens then closes just as quickly. Jack's grin gets bigger.
I finally get a hold of myself long enough to fumble my way through an apology for running right into him, still averting his eyes, if I can only avoid those brown eyes i'll be okay*
He speaks my name and without thinking I raise my eyes to Jack's. He has concern there clearly displayed, *Funny, what can Jack be condcerned about* I think to myself. Then he speaks again. "Sam, your starting to freak me out, are you Okay, do you want me to call your Dad" Jack looks around as if looking for someone to help him.
I find my voice once again "Jack, yeah ... sorry I"m okay, I just have to get to the store in town, nobody's home if your looking for Mark that is..." leaving the question in the air I slowly start to move away from this man whom for the last 3 years of my sad life, I've been deeply in - like - with, I use the word "like" because I wouldn't know love if it jumped up and bit me in the ass, as my father would say!
"Sam, you look a little different today," Jack states, with one eyebrow raised *God, I love - no like - when he does that* as he continues "Maybe I should give you a lift? How about it want to go out with an older man? At this point he is actually wagging his eyebrows at me... I can't believe I'm still upright, I was sure I would have fallen over by now. Jack notices the blush streak across my face as I turn from him. He speaks again. *Hey, look I was just kidding with ya Sam, I'm going to town myself, I would be honored if you rode with me gives me some company, but well, if you've got your own ride then.... " he lets the question trail off waiting for me to respond.
I turn at the point and look Jack O'Neill straight in the eye and without thinking say "Jack, I only perfer older men" and with that I walk over to his very cool, very red Mustang, as I reach for the door handle I feel Jack's hand already there opening the door and holding it for me as I slip into the passenger seat, absently running my hand over the rich white leather that seesm to be covering everything from the seats to the dash. "Jack, your car is beautiful" I say without even thinking, this brings a bright smile to Jacks face and I relax back, comfortably into the ride ahead, thanking god quitely for not having to make me eplain to the MP's at the gate why I need to get to the drug store in town as opposed to the PX on base. Dad of course would say I can get everything I need at the PX, but then everyone else would know if I strolled up to the counter with a big ol' box of Tampax in my hands, yeah that's just what I need today! No thank you!
After travelling a few miles in silence, Jack finally speaks again. "So, Sam... you do look different today, anything happen at home? I mean is everything okay? The General is okay right? I know he's been on a mission this past week, but I'm sure he'll be home soon" Jack finishes with a bright smile, trying to show me that everything is in fact, okay. I smile weakly at his attempt to brighten my day.
Jack stumbles onward, trying to break the ackward silence that has again settled over the ride to town. "Sam, you know you can tell me anything, right. Is there somebody bothering you at school? Let me know I'll straighten the guy right out, just give me the word...."
I turn to face Jack and say "Really it's not school at all, there is nobody bothering me...." I stop in mid sentence, engrossed in my own thoughts, before realizing that Jack is looking at me with that same concern furlowed brow. "Jack you really don't want to hear about this... trust me"
Jack is quick to speak up "Sam I wouldn't have asked if I didnt' want to know? Now would I?" He's looking at me again, I can feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to say something , anything.
I turn my head to look out the scenery passing quickly by me and before giving it another thought, I hear myself speaks "Jack, today I became a woman" there I said it out loud.... I said it to Jack of all people, have I lost mind, I have, haven't I, this is what happens you get your period and you lose your mind. I can't even look at him, what have I done, I'm so stupid! He must think I'm an idiot.
These thoughts and many more rush through my mind, the one thing that never occurred to me was what Jack said at that exact momment. "Sam, that's wonderful, I knew you looked different today" at his last comment my head shot over to the right to look him in the eye....
"you can't tell by just looking at me.... can you, Jack?" at this, Jack seemed to see the fear coming off me at his comment.
He smiled shyly then reached over to touch my shoulders then gently say "Sam, of course you don't look any different then you did yesterday, it's just that well... maybe it's me, maybe I see you differently today.... have you thought about that?" He smiled again, to reassure me that I'm not a freak. I can't bring myself to look in his direction, I knew I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut.
We settled back into the ride and I hear Jack speak again softly "Hey, since your new at this and I'm an old pro" at this I look up, this time my eyebrow raising up on the left side, this doesn't go unnoticed by Jack and he smiles back - there it is again "The Jack O'Neill" trade mark smile - God I - like - that smile.
I find myself smiling back into his warm face. "Exactly what do you mean by that comment Jack? Is this something Mark and my Dad should know about, Hmmm??" I ask jokingly.
My comment surprises Jack as I watch him stumble though a coherent comeback.
"Jack, I was kidding, now what did you mean by "your an old pro"... I'm dying to know" there's a hugh smile forming over my face as I shift in my seat to look at him once again.
Jack starts slowly "I just meant, that I have older sisters and a Mom" at his last comment he see's me stiffen, and shift once again looking forward, realising that might not be the best way to start, he continues "That is to say, I've done my share of shopping for this sort of thing.... I mean I guess that's why we are going 15 miles into to town so you can pick up ah... supplies... correct?" He's waiting for me to speak, all I can do is stare straight ahead and nod my anwser in the form of a yes.
Jack speaks again "Okay, then your in good hands I've got you covered" with that said Jack is all business as we approach the town limits and he adjusts his speed accordingly. We find the store we are looking for 3 blocks down the main street.
I'm not sure if this is worse than having my brother with me for this or the man I silently - like - , whatever we are out of the car already and making our way into the store, Nancy from my class is working, not surprizing since her parents own the store. I say my hello as Nancy eyes the man i'm with, she knows it's not my brother, and I get Nancy's own version of the wagging eyebrow as she watches Jack move away from the counter as I ask the question I've been dreading to ask all day long... "Ahhh Nancy.... where would I find the Tampax".
There it's was out, Nancy gives me the old "Oh man, you too" look, then we share a brief smile and she points to aisle #8, great thats the aisle Jack just went down, maybe he does know his stuff after all.. I think to myself, not aware a smile is appearing on my face. As I round the corner Jack is knee deep in concentration reading of all things the "Instructions" located on the outer box. I come up slowly and call his name, I laugh out loud at the reactions I see cross his face, embrassment, confusion, fear and finally humor, as he realises that this situatuion is more embrassing for me than it will ever be to him. I think he needed to see me smile, at which point he seemed to relax again to the old Jack O'Neill that I know and - like -.
He speaks first. "So, Sam ahhhh... do you know what your looking for?"
I eye him closely at this point and coyly add "No, not exactly I've never done this before... any suggestions for me Jack, you old pro, you".. I had to add the last part, if only to see that "Jack" smile spread across his face again.
At this point we can't restain ourselves any longer and simutaniously break into fits of laughter, slowly coming back to our senses only to find Nancy peeking around the aisle looking at us suspiciously. We pay no attention to Nancy as we contiune to try and get a grip on ourselves once again. Jack is leaning on me with his hand lightly on my shoulder, I can feel his thumb under my blouse, it feels warm, I've decided I like his touch. His hand moves away all to soon. I look up into his smiling brown eyes and ask my question.
"Well Jack, tell me what product did your sisters make you buy for them? Maybe we can start there... okay?" I shift from foot to foot under Jacks gaze, all he does is smile and I melt.
Slowly Jack walks over to the Playtex tampons, grabs a 40 box and shyly hands them to me saying "Here this was the one I had to buy, I used to get the biggest box I could find so I wouldn't have to come back over and over again, but with 3 women in the house it seemed I was always shopping for them." He voice sounded so quite I almost didn't hear him speak at all, only felt the box in my hand, looking up at him shyly it was my time to speak "Jack" turning to face him completely.
"I can't thank you enough for your help today, not to mention the ride into town, and well thank you for not making me feel like an alien" I looked away as soon as I finished, so he couldn't see my face turn bright red, which I knew it would do.
Then he said something I will never forget, something I never in a million years would have thought would come out of his mouth. He said "Sam, your a woman now, you have never been an alien, not to me anyway. This is a very special day for you and I'm just glad I was there for you. Listen if you need anyone to talk to, you know ask certain questions about.... " at this point my head jerked around so quickly to meet his eyes, he just smiled and simply said "take it easy Sam, I was going to volunteer my Mom, she's a great woman and she's been through all of this before a few times if you count my sisters, okay I'm going to give you her phone number, she doesn't live in this state but she excepts all incoming collect calls, somehow I thinks, she thinks she's going to be getting a collect call from the county jail one of these days, which of course won't ever be from me" he finishes quickly and I smile at his ackwardness.
"Of course not Jack, not from you" His smile is contagious, as we stand there looking at each other surrounded by tampax and pads. So I accept his Mom's phone number, agreeing to phone her when I get in. We head to the counter and Jack asks if I have enough cash for my purchase, I smile shyly and insist that I can cover it, and he doesn't have to come to the counter with me, I can buy this by myself. He only nods and leaves me the 3 feet to the counter to walk myself, Jack hasn't left the store, he's by the exit door and he's shifting back and forth looking a little more nervous then myself at this point, thank god I know Nancy and she won't say anything once were back in school. Nancy and I share the same smile as earlier, only now Nancy leans in and asks who the beautiful man is, nodding in Jacks' direction, I smile and without saying anything walk over to Jack as he swings his arm over my shoulder as we exit together into the day. Leaving Nancy to pick her jaw up off the floor, I'll explain "Jack" to her in Science class on Monday till then, she can think all the nasty thoughts she want's.
With my purchase securly under my arm, Jack suggests we get ice cream, something his sisters used to make him stop for when he first started to "shop" for them. With his arm loosely around my shoulder, he steers me to the shop, I agree only if he lets me buy, this doesn't go over very well with Jack, but hey he can't have everything, right? After what seemed like 3 hours of eating nothing but ice cream, I was full and the cramps were starting to rear there ugly head again. I was siezed by a gut wretching cramp that lasted a mere few seconds, but didn't go unnoticed by Jack sitting across from me in the booth. He looked up quickly as the pain was evident on my face, getting up swiftly, coming to my side, he slid in next to me and asked if I was alright, I nodded and asked if we could go, I really needed to get home anyway.
The drive back was driven mostly in silence, I knew Jack waa slidding glances at me every once and a while, after the 5th time I turned to him and spoke softly
"Your starting to make me feel like an alien afterall Jack".. I said it in good humor but his facial reaction told me I hurt his feelings. Recovering quickly I added "Sorry, just not feeling myself today" then I gave him my "Sam's Best"smile which seemed to relax him. The rest of the trip was in silence but it was not uncomfortable. After pulling into my driveway, Jack turned to me to ask if I would be okay the rest of the day, by myself. I reassured him I would be, saying "After all I am a woman now" with that said Jack leaned over and kissed my cheek gently.
"Sam, your very special, I'm glad I came by today, tell your brother to call me when he gets in okay?".
"Ahhh Jack..... your not going to say anything to Mark are you... about well.... today what we talked about everything"
Jack could tell I was getting nervous, and spoke softly "Sam, it won't even come up, you have nothing to worry about, now get in the house and call my Mom tell her I love her for me will ya!" He had his boyish "Jack" grin on now and like before I slowly melted.
"I will Jack and thank you again.
Journal Entry 2569 Dated: Nov. 28, 1982
Today I became a woman.... and received the kiss from the man I truly - like -. There is that word again - like - Now that i'm a woman I should probably use real women type words ....Love... the man I love... there, thats better. Nobody said 15 was easy, but when you have friends that you can count on even if you didn't realize it, things don't seem that odd.
Fin
Story Notes: Authors notes: just read the story...
Feedback: sure... why not.
Feedback: sure... why not.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]