~Reality Check~
Sam paced outside the infirmary, hesitating to enter as she clutched a photograph to her chest. She still didn't know how she felt about it. Initially, upon seeing the picture propped up against the lamp, she'd felt as though all the breath had been sucked out of her body. There in front of her was--herself--in the arms of her CO. She, or rather Samantha, was grinning madly at something, and Jack shared in her mirth. A huge grin graced his face as he held the woman in front of him. It was obviously a wedding photo as evidenced by a large white cake, in the lower left corner.
Sam had noticed the familiar way with which Samantha had acted towards O'Neill upon their introductory meeting, but she'd never dreamed this was the reason why. It explained a lot, actually. She was uncomfortable enough with the idea of having a twin present, now she had the added pressure of knowing that same twin had had a relationship with the O'Neill of her world. She wanted to enter the infirmary, but she just couldn't bring herself to walk through door, especially with the evidence she held in her hand.
*This is ridiculous,* she muttered to herself. *It's only. . .me.* Squaring her shoulders, she stepped into the medical bay, spotting her double almost immediately. Samantha looked pale; her long hair fanned across the pillow. The stark whiteness of the sheets only seemed to accentuate her pallor.
For a moment, Sam studied her, comparing likenesses and differences. The obvious difference was the hair. In her more indulgent moments, she'd wondered if long hair would soften the tough military bearing she presented to the world, but she decided it hadn't done much for Samantha. She'd been just as tough and intractable as she herself was. Maybe even more so with the bitterness of her losses.
And she had lost a lot, Sam realized. Everyone she'd ever cared about. Her home, her planet and of course, Jack. It was the one thing Sam couldn't seem to reconcile. The fact the woman had a life with Jack. The concept was just. . .weird. But she had to admit there was a portion of her that not only wondered what it was like to feel a love that strong, that consuming, but to share that passion with her commanding officer.
Sam was about to back out of the infirmary, allowing Samantha her rest, when her double opened her eyes. For a long moment they simply stared at one another, each taking inventory of the other. Sam was the first to break the silence.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"I, uh, just came to see how you were feeling. Those cascade tremors looked pretty rough."
Samantha gave her a wry grin. "No offense, Major, but stick to your own reality."
Sam's lips twitched into a smile of her own. "Feel like some company?"
"Sure. That'd be nice," she said, twisting her head to look at Sam as she pulled up a chair. There was an uncomfortable silence before they both tried to speak at once.
"This is odd," Sam laughed nervously.
"I don't know if it could get much weirder," Samantha agreed.
"So," Sam said a little too brightly, rubbing her hands along the top of her thighs. "Is your Dad in the military?"
Samantha's voice took on a serious tone. "I think it's the reason I was determined to take the civilian path. Oh, he tried to get me to join up, but I swore I'd never put my family through what he did us."
"Is he retired? My dad went out a two-star."
"Mine was a three."
"I guess he really was committed to the military. I think maybe that's the reason I did join up," she shrugged. "Life in the service was the only thing I knew."
Samantha looked down at the blankets covering her, smoothing the wrinkles from the material. "You talk like your dad is still alive."
Sam's eyebrows arched in surprise. "Well, he is. I thought you'd met the Tok'ra."
"We have, but Dad refused to take them up on their offer. I mean I know he was scared, but he was just as scared to die," she said, eyes starting to fill with tears. "He had a choice and he turned them down. Didn't he even consider what that would do to Mark and me?"
Sam stared at the woman on the bed. She didn't have an answer for her. She'd often wondered what her life would have been like if Jacob had refused to join the Tok'ra. At the time, Mark still wasn't speaking to her. She'd lost her mother, and her father was nearly gone. How much of Jacob's decision to become a Tok'ra was his own will and how much of it was Sam's own selfish need to hang onto her parent? Had she pushed him into his current role before he'd completely understood what he was getting into?
"He seems quite happy with the Tok'ra," Sam answered lamely.
"Well, just one more thing you have that I don't, Major." The harshness of her tone took Sam back. It seemed whenever Samantha called her "Major" with that tone, she knew she'd struck a nerve.
"Look, maybe I should let you get some rest," Sam said, starting to rise. Samantha stopped her by placing a cool hand on her arm.
"I'm sorry. Don't go. You better than anyone should know I really didn't mean it. It's just so hard, you know? There are so many things here that parallel my world that it just reminds me of what I've lost. And you don't even realize what you have."
"You've made it sound like there's nothing about my life that you wanted. For one thing you disapprove of my choice of the military. That's a pretty major difference in our lives, if you'll pardon the pun."
Samantha's gaze fell to her lap once more, watching her fingers twist. A single tear escaped, trailing down her cheek. "But you have Jack," she said in a choked whisper. "You have no idea how lucky you are."
Sam shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I don't have the relationship with him that you did. He's my commanding officer. Sure, we're friends, but that's all."
Samantha pinned her with her gaze. "Is it? Come on, Sam. If you can't be honest with me, who can you be? I know you don't want to talk about if both our mothers died in taxi accidents or if my dad was still alive. You want to know what it was like being married to Jack."
Sam felt the heat rising to her face. Samantha had asked her to bring the picture. Surely she had to know it was going to bring up questions about her private life. Still, if she *was* honest with herself, she was curious about how Samantha and her Jack came to be involved. Sliding closer, Sam lowered her voice,
"Okay, you're right. I am interested in how the two of you got together, but only because I can't see how you started dating when he hates scientists."
Samantha smiled. "He gave you that line, too? It's a defense mechanism. Jack is, or rather was, a smart guy, but he didn't have a lot of confidence when it came to science. For one thing, he's a man of action. Thinking a concept through rather than acting on it just wasn't something he was comfortable with. So, once we got past that, things went a little smoother. He didn't expect me to go on field missions, and I didn't expect him to understand the technology he brought back."
Sam leaned back in her chair, nodding. She could see how the two of them would make a complimentary team, but things weren't the same with her and O'Neill. They were a team, but of a different sort.
"So, how did you two start seeing each other?"
"I'm not exactly sure," Samantha said, smiling at the memory. "I don't think he ever did officially ask me out. Ever."
"Never? Seems odd you could marry a man who never even asked you out on a date."
"Let's just say he never articulated it." Sam's brow wrinkled in confusion, causing Samantha to elaborate. "Our first what you'd call 'date' was us pulling an all-nighter trying to figure out an alien weapon SG-1 brought back. Jack had seen how they operated it, and I needed his input to try to figure out what made it work. Long story short, we ended up talking and before either of us realized it, it was morning and we were no closer to understanding the weapon than when we started. After getting some rest, we vowed we were going to figure it out, but the same thing happened. Jack would get me side-tracked and we'd go off on some tangent that had nothing to do with the Stargate program or alien devices."
"Doesn't sound like Colonel O'Neill," Sam said. "In most cases, he's a man of few words."
"Yeah, except for when he has some wise crack to add," Samantha replied with a grin. Sam's smile matched hers as she thought of the often inappropriate quips Jack made. But that was one of the things she liked best about him. His quick wit always kept a smile on her lips.
"My Jack had that 'strong, silent' streak," Samantha continued, "but get him on the right subject, and he'll talk your ear off."
"Guess I haven't found that subject yet," Sam said, dipping her head pretending to examine her fingers.
"You will," Samantha told her confidently. "I think since meeting me, his curiosity's been piqued."
Sam thought about the strange exchange she'd had with Jack outside Samantha's room the day before. At first she'd just found it odd he would ask her how she was dealing with "the twin thing." Now she was wondering if he too had allowed himself to touch on the "what ifs." She hoped it wasn't going to make things awkward between them. There were enough instances where she'd felt a flutter in her stomach when she looked at him. She didn't need to add speculation that he was feeling the same. All that second guessing would be distracting, and he distracted her enough as it was.
"So, you said he never really asked you out. He must have at some point or you wouldn't have gotten married."
"It was more that he'd say he was going for a bite to eat, and did I want to join him. There were no rules against us seeing each other, but I guess he felt he shouldn't ask me out, with us working together. And with his sideways invitations, he couldn't be accused of 'dating' me."
"Now that is something my Jack. . .I mean Colonel O'Neill would do. He'd try to find a way to make it look perfectly innocent. Which it would be," Sam was quick to add.
"Well, it worked for a while," Samantha said. "We'd gotten to a point where we were starting to get serious, and I think it scared him a little. I have to admit, I was a little intimidated myself. I'd never felt anything like what I felt for him and it was scary to think another person could have that kind of power over me. I remember the night he suggested we stop seeing each other. I was devastated, but relieved at the same time. He kept saying how it was going to compromise the SGA's objectives if we were involved. That even though I wasn't in the military, we were working together and we had to think of our duty first."
It sounded like the same argument Sam repeated to herself on a nearly daily basis. "So what did you do?"
"I cried," she said, a wistful expression crossing her face. "Oh, I told Jack I agreed with him, and in principle I did, but when I got home that night and thought about all I was giving up, suddenly the risks of a relationship didn't seem so great. I was miserable for days. Any time I met up with Jack was awkward, and it seemed like we did everything we could to avoid one another."
"Obviously you solved your problems."
Samantha's sorrowful look turned bright as a smile broke out on her face. "Yeah. It's kind of sappy, really." She seemed embarrassed, picking at a loose thread on the blanket. "I was in my office when Jack walked in without knocking. He just looked at me, then said, 'I can't do this any more. I miss you and I want you in my life.' And that was it. I moved in with him a week later and we were married within three months."
"That was quick!"
Samantha gave a little shrug. "It was right and we knew it. We were even talking about starting a family shortly before the Goa'uld attacked."
Sam felt her throat constricting as she blinked back the moisture gathering in her eyes. "I don't know what to say," she said, her voice hoarse with emotion. "I can't imagine what it must feel like for you to have lost so much."
Samantha too had become emotional. "The worst is seeing him here, you know? To watch him look at me while searching for signs of you."
"Like I said, things aren't like that with the colonel and me. He's probably never even thought about me in that way."
"Do you wish he would?"
Samantha's frankness caused Sam's face to flush once more. "I. . .I don't know. I mean sure, I guess I've thought about it. The colonel's an attractive man who wouldn't look at him twice?"
Samantha's melancholy lifted as she chuckled. "I remember the first day I met him. All I could think about was how the hell was I going to concentrate with this great looking guy as my boss?"
Sam joined in her laughter. "I thought the same thing! I was sure everyone in the room caught me staring at him!"
"Well, apparently they didn't. At least in my reality," Samantha informed her. "I remember telling Jack about what I was thinking during that first meeting and he was completely oblivious to my reaction to him. He said he was so worried he'd pissed me off for good with his crack about scientists that he missed the rest of the meeting. It was nice to know I had him as off-balance as he had me."
Sam nodded, suddenly quiet. So many things in their lives were similar. Could the colonel ever come to care about her as much as Jack had come to love Samantha?
"I almost forgot. You asked for this," she said, handing Samantha the slightly wrinkled photograph. The woman's smiled slipped towards sadness once more as she accepted the picture.
"It was such a beautiful day," she said, running her fingers over the image of Jack's face. "I can't remember when I've ever been so happy. Although, at the beginning of the evening, our first anniversary was a close second."
Sam felt herself becoming self-conscious witnessing the love and devotion Samantha expressed for her husband. It seemed almost too personal, to private a thing to share, but then again, as Samantha herself had said, if she couldn't be honest with another version of herself, who could she be?
They sat in silence, comfortable for once as each finally began to understand the other. Sam was about to excuse herself when she heard her name being barked from the infirmary doorway.
"Carter!"
Flinching at the edge there was to his voice, Sam tried to compose herself. The last thing she needed was O'Neill to start questioning them about what they'd been discussing.
"Sir?" she asked, standing.
"I thought Doc Fraiser said it wasn't a good idea for the two of you to be so close to each other. You know, with that whole approximation thing."
"Proximity factor," Samantha automatically answered, sharing a private smile with Sam.
"Dr. Carter left something in her quarters and she asked me to retrieve it. I didn't plan on staying this long."
Jack looked at the rectangle of paper Samantha held face down on her lap. Sam wasn't surprised he seemed to recognize it, even though the subjects were concealed. Shifting his feet and casting Sam an uncomfortable glance, he mumbled something about paperwork and beat a hasty retreat.
"Told you he was thinking about it," Samantha replied with a grin. Instantly sober, she added, "don't let something as petty as rules come between you, Sam. I know you'd be good together. I've lived it."
Sam ducked her head, suddenly finding something fascinating about the toes of her boots.
"Time is precious," Samantha emphasized. "You never know when or where the blow is going to come."
*She makes it sound so simple,* Sam thought. Sure, Samantha and her Jack might have had some obstacles in their path, but not the same ones she and the colonel had. Regulations were regulations and neither of them were the type of people to compromise their ideals for the sake of personal happiness. Still, that didn't mean she couldn't wonder about the possibilities. Meeting Samantha had given her a lot to contemplate. What started out as a shock had now mellowed into a warm feeling, one she embraced.
"I really should go," Sam said at last. "Janet could be right about us being near one another triggering more tremors."
Samantha's weak smile was appreciative.. "Thanks for stopping by. And bringing me this," she said, pulling the picture away from the blankets, gazing at it once more. "I hope you get your happy ending and can keep it."
Sam gave her a curt nod, not trusting her voice. She was happy with the choices she'd made in her life. Still, there was that "fork in the road stuff," as Jack had put it, that made her wonder "what if." Maybe the idea of her and Jack wasn't so far off. After all, two other realities couldn't be wrong.
The End
Story Notes: Email: noda@pctcnet.net
Status: Complete
Season/Sequel Info: Missing scene from "Point of View"
Spoilers: "Point of View," and possible slight ones through season three.
Archive: Yes, please. Sam and Jack and Heliopolis, others, please ask.
Story notes: Although this has taken nearly two weeks to manifest itself, the idea came to me after attending SG-3, which really had me jazzed about the show again. It was my first trip to England and I can't say enough good things about the country and the people. I was fortunate to meet several people I write to, which made it even more special. I can't wait to go back for SG-4!
Status: Complete
Season/Sequel Info: Missing scene from "Point of View"
Spoilers: "Point of View," and possible slight ones through season three.
Archive: Yes, please. Sam and Jack and Heliopolis, others, please ask.
Story notes: Although this has taken nearly two weeks to manifest itself, the idea came to me after attending SG-3, which really had me jazzed about the show again. It was my first trip to England and I can't say enough good things about the country and the people. I was fortunate to meet several people I write to, which made it even more special. I can't wait to go back for SG-4!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]