Story Notes: Spoilers for Entity
please review :) i love to hear what you think - se_mcdermott@hotmail
please review :) i love to hear what you think - se_mcdermott@hotmail
Jack flinched away, part of him wondering what the hell she was doing here and the other just wanting to stop caring at all and move this conversation straight down the corridor, into the bedroom and never leave again.
“Jack.”
“Carter.”
He couldn’t reconcile the woman standing in front of him, with that smile and those pink (and very alive) cheeks with the one that he had fired two zat shots into only yesterday. His head was spinning just trying. He knew she’d survived, but seeing her standing so close to him after he’d spent a very productive past 24 hours actively avoiding her was another thing entirely.
“Daniel told me, ages ago, that he’d been around just after Charlie … after Charlie died.” Her voice was strong and he could tell she’d been practicing the speech on the way over. The way she said his son’s name … there was no judgement or punishment, neither was there the ‘stumble’ he’d experienced before, where people seemed to cough over his name to get the thing over-and-done-with. Instead he just saw acceptance and something else, something he didn’t dare define. “I thought maybe he could talk to you, make you see that I don’t-“
“Carter. Stop.”
“No Jack,” she smiled again and stepped down into his living room, turning around so that she was about a foot shorter than him. “I need you to understand. I’m proud of you.”
“Carter you’re insane.”
She shook her head, “No, no I’m really not. And stop calling me Carter. On the field that’s … that’s all there can be and that’s fine. But here … now, now I’m Sam and you’re Jack and we are going to have a Sam and Jack conversation that will stay in this room.”
“We’re going to need to stop having ‘rooms’ Carter, at this rate we’ll be taking over Colorado Springs before-“
“I know.” She looked down to the floor, concentrating on the way the wood moved. “But it’s what we’ve got for now. We agreed. There would be rooms, and then, occasionally, there would be Sam and Jack conversations that would stay in the rooms. On special occasions.”
“Sam,” he sighed and stepped away from her. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why not?”
He was angry. Why wouldn’t the stupid woman listen? Why couldn’t she just leave him be? She was just like Daniel! He jumped forward, a hand clutching her arm and pulling her close, their faces only inches apart.
“Because. You should know better than to be around somebody like me. I told Daniel, and now I’m telling you, leave me be.”
Part of him had expected her to recoil, to step back, maybe run out of the house screaming at the look in his eyes. But then, he realised, this was Doctor-Major-Reproductive-Organs-On-The-Inside-Sam-Carter. Sam Carter who would risk her life so that a child wouldn’t be too scared. The Sam Carter who would face down a War Lord. The Sam Carter who brought him back from another planet by re-writing the laws of physics.
This Sam Carter would not be afraid of him.
“Jack.” She had this way of saying his name, he really wished she would stop – that name seemed to be able to control him, (maybe it was a Goa’uld trick … he should have that looked into). “Can we sit down? I want to explain something to you.”
He let go of her arm and followed her to the sofa, not entirely sure what happened to the anger and the need-to-hit-something that had been controlling him before. Maybe it was all her.
“Sam, I killed you.” He fell into the sofa, his head leaning against the wall as he made a rather in depth study of the ceiling. “I saw it. You went down and stopped breathing. Technically, you should still be there … not … breathing.”
“I saw it too Jack,” she said. She had turned to sit sideways and was looking directly at him but he couldn’t bring himself to turn back to her. “I saw it from the cameras. It was going to take over the Base, then logically it would progress up to NORAD, where it would gain control of the military systems, then through that, it would grow exponentially, until utter chaos I suppose.” He still hadn’t turned to her, but she placed a hand on his elbow and kept going. “I was in the cameras remember? I looked for another option, I looked through every scenario possible, through every loophole and they all came down to the same thing. My life, my physical existence was not important-“
“Oh don’t pull that crap with me Major.” Finally Jack looked at her. He saw the way her eyes were hard as stone, as through physically withholding any emotion (and for some reason Danny’s voice was telling him that this was contagious), but she was biting her lip. “Do not preach to me about your life being nothing relative to the greater good, that you’d be sacrificing your life for your country and your God. Listen to me. I. Do. Not. Give. A. Damn. I don’t care. I don’t care that Uncle Sam has you tied up with the same stupid agreement he has with me.”
“That’s what I’m trying to say Jack,” she said – still not fazed by his outburst. “I’m glad you did it. It … it showed me something.”
“What? That I’m a hard-arsed-bastard that willingly killed the woman he –“
“Yes! Exactly!” She stood up in front of him, arms crossed over her chest and she sighed as she studied him for a minute. “It proved that no matter what … this-“ she waved her hands between them, “is, whatever it is, you’d still do the right thing. You would do what needed to be done. Because I do not matter Jack. I never have. I’m replaceable. Earth, the SGC, and the work we’ve done? That isn’t.”
Jack jumped up now, his hands by his sides as he closed his eyes. “I don’t want to Sam. I don’t want to save Earth, I don’t give a flying fuck what happens to the SGC. I just can’t do that again. You are not replaceable to me.”
She took a step back and watched him with a small smile for a moment. “What if it was you? What if, for whatever alien reason, you were trying to take over the world? What would you have me do?”
“Eliminate the threat.” She raised an eyebrow and smiled wider at him. It was an automatic response, she knew that – but it was one she would use.
“Yes Jack. Eliminate the threat. And don’t you think it would be just as hard for me as it was for you? Don’t you think that … that idea haunts me? Every time we go through that Gate we run the risk of not coming back, or worse coming back but not being us. Don’t you think that the very thought of that happening to you scares me?” She wasn’t so strong now, he could see it, that biting of her lip had become so hard he was sure he could see blood and her hands where they rested across her chest were clenched into hard fists.
Jack was silent as he ran a hand through his hair. “Sam?” She looked up, her eyes sparkling and her nose rather pink from withheld tears. “I don’t think I can do that again – make the ‘right’ decision. I … I really don’t.”
She laid a hand on his cheek with a weak smile, “Alright. I’ll try very hard not to get compromised for a while.” He just nodded. “But, life-or-death situations I can’t promise anything. And we will very very hard to do what's right, get this war over and done with, and then ... concentrate on other things.”
He chuckled lightly and kissed her palm. “That’s okay. Life-or-death situations I can handle ... and looking forward to other things.”
They were silent for a while, just looking at each other as through resigned to their fate.
“You okay?”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Right now, I’m far too sober to be okay.”
Finally Sam laughed. It wasn’t one of those belly laughs that exploded now and then. Instead, it was a quiet giggle as she grinned and shook her head. “Now, that I can definitely fix.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. I’m thinking beer, pizza and a movie? Sound alright to you?”
“Carter – you read my mind.”
Like a well-oiled machine they got to work, moving around the house as through they had lived together since … well – a long time. Sam went to the phone, dialled the pizza and ordered (minus the anchovies for Jack and the capers for her) while Jack went to the kitchen and fetched two bottles of beer and a couple of plates. They met again in the living room in front of the television and started the seemingly-never-ending discussion of which movie to watch.
It wasn’t much. But it would do.
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