The cabin had never been so crowded, Jack thought with a smile as he busied himself with cleaning the mess he’d made in the kitchen.
The first day of fishing at the cabin with Carter, Daniel and Teal’c had been so fruitful that Jack had volunteered to put together a nice dinner (if he did say so himself) with their catch prepared à-la-Jack, as he proudly called it. For some reason neither Carter, Teal’c, nor Daniel had been particularly surprised to discover that this special recipe involved lots of beer.
After dinner Carter had offered to help clean up, but Jack had insisted she ‘just relax’. She just worked too damn much, and the last few weeks had been particularly rough on her with Jacob’s death, her break-up with Shanahan (which he’d learned from Teal’c, of all people) and her trip to San Diego after the funeral. She hadn’t contested Jack’s arguments much though, so in the end he’d left SG-1 in the living room, reading and chatting.
Jack was glad she had finally agreed to come, though he really hadn’t left her much choice this time. After everything they’d been through in the last few weeks, he had thought it necessary for all of their sanity to take some time away from the base, just the four of them together. They hadn’t done that in ages “ well, pretty much since Jack had taken command.
He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he had missed them.
As Jack worked in the kitchen his mind wandered, inevitably going back to their conversations at dinner. Despite the relative liveliness and relaxed atmosphere, there had also been a sense of finality in the nostalgia that had laced the banter and joking. Jack couldn’t quite explain it, but it was as though they all implicitly realized that this particular moment meant the end of something - of an era, maybe. With most of their enemies (hopefully permanently) defeated, they all knew that change was coming - and Jack knew that better than anyone. He was pretty proud that he’d been able to keep his thoughts to himself regarding his plans for the future, while still managing to brush off all of Daniel’s not-so-subtle attempts at convincing him that going to Atlantis was the next logical step for SG-1.
But despite this sense of looming change, or maybe because of it, Jack was content - content in a way he hardly remembered ever feeling before, even during his years going off-world with the team. As exhilarating and gratifying as his time as CO of SG-1 had been, there had always been this feeling of impending doom or unfinished business, not to mention the unspeakable…thing… with Carter that had become harder and harder to sweep under the carpet as the years went on. He didn’t have any regrets in that regard, and he was convinced they had done the right thing by sticking to their professionalism. But he also recognized that it had made things incredibly hard. If not for her, then certainly for him. Especially this past year, with her almost-wedding to Shanahan. God, he still shuddered at the thought of how much of a close call that had been…
But now, the System Lords were pretty much all conquered by the Jaffa rebellion, the replicators were gone, Anubis had disappeared - hopefully for another few thousand years - and Jack had even managed to send the Daedalus and some reinforcements to the Pegasus Galaxy with the help of the new ZPM.
Yep, his job was done.
With his job being done in the kitchen as well, Jack washed up and brewed some decaf before heading back to the living room with four cups carefully balanced in his hands. When he looked up he realized only Teal’c and Daniel remained.
“Where’s Carter?"
Daniel didn’t even look up from his book. “She’s gone outside. Something about the moonlight on the lake."
“Oh. Well I better get this to her,” Jack replied as he put on his fleece and grabbed two mugs of coffee on the way to the door.
Could this finally be the opportunity he had been waiting for? They hadn’t really talked since Jacob’s death, and he figured this was as good a time as any to get some things out in the open. His last conversation with Kerry had stuck in his head, and he couldn’t help thinking that she had been right: it was stupid to hide his feelings any longer. His job was done, Carter had broken up her engagement and he could easily retire again. They’d waited long enough.
That is, if Carter still harbored any…feelings… towards him at all?
She had to feel at least something, he reminded himself. As uncertain as he usually felt about anything Carter-related, her impromptu and very awkward visit at his house a few weeks before had given him some hope. What had she really come to tell him, that day? It had tortured him for weeks.
Well, only one way to find out.
Gathering up his courage, he made his way onto the lawn and looked around, his breath coming out in little puffs in the crisp air. His breath caught in his throat when he spotted her standing at the end of the dock, staring out at the dark waters of the pond. With her back to him, all alone before the vastness of the starlit sky, she looked… lonely. And amazingly beautiful. She turned in his direction when he was a few feet away and he faltered only slightly when he met her eyes. Her face was mostly in shadows, but her hair glittered in the moonlight and the faint glow from the cabin allowed him to see the sparkle in her eyes. He felt his pulse accelerate.
“Hey,” he said as he finally joined her on the dock and handed her the steaming cup of coffee.
“Thanks,” she said as she took it, her fingers snaking around the cup as if snuggling up to the warmth. “It’s so beautiful and peaceful out here.”
“Yeah,” Jack agreed as he followed her gaze. The night was exceptionally clear and the moon reflected its bluish light on the lake. It really was beautiful. “I knew you’d think so.”
“The guys still reading inside?” she asked as she rose the cup to her lips to take a sip.
“Yeah. You know I’m starting to think Daniel’s hiding a romance novel inside his archaeology book. No one can ever be that passionate about history.”
She chuckled softly, and Jack turned his head in her direction to observe her. She seemed amused enough by his comment, but he could tell there was something deeper going on that made her more quiet and pensive than usual. Was all that talk about their past victories and uncertain futures at dinner making her wonder about her own future as well? Well then, Jack decided, this moment was as good as any for the discussion he was hoping to have with her.
“You know, there’s a short trail around the lake. It’s a beautiful night, we could take a walk…?” He suggested, hating how awkward and uncertain he sounded. He had to get a grip. Her eyes shifted quickly to his, but Jack couldn’t discern her expression. “We wouldn’t be long, maybe half an hour...” he added quickly, trying not to sound too…forward.
She held his gaze for a moment, as if trying to read his intentions, and finally a small smile made its way to her lips. “Sure. Let me get my jacket.”
Jack watched her go with butterflies dancing in his stomach. He wasn’t exactly nervous, more like febrile really, because this was it! He had been waiting for this moment for God knew how long and he didn’t want to mess it up. Or worse, let it slip.
His heart skipped a beat when she exited the cabin again, this time wearing her jacket, and walked quickly towards him.
“I told the guys we’d be gone for a while. Not to worry."
“What did they say?” Jack asked as he zipped up his fleece and left his mug on the dock. As they started walking he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket.
“Not much. I’m not sure Daniel actually blinked. But Teal’c did bow his head,” she added cheekily as they entered the woods and took the trail.
The light from the moon allowed them to see the lake to their left and the path ahead of them so Jack didn’t have to worry about tripping on some root. They stayed silent for a while, walking at a slower pace than they normally would. Jack took a moment to breathe in the crisp air, taking in the earthy spring smells of evergreens and moist earth. He had always loved this time of year, when the air was just cool enough to feel like it cleared his lungs. He was so focused on those senses that he almost jumped out of his skin when she touched his arm, stopping him mid-step.
“Sir - there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while,” she said as she looked up at him to meet his eyes. He raised an eyebrow as he turned to face her more fully.
He held his breath. Oh?
She nodded, as if he’d actually spoken out loud. “I wanted to thank you, sir. For being there when my dad…died. It was a rough time and, well…thanks.”
Jack rested his eyes on her saddened face, his hands twitching in his pockets. He had been there, true, but oh, how he had wished he could do even more! Even now, as he looked at her, he had to fight the urge to take her in his arms to comfort her. But he couldn’t. Not just yet.
He kept silent for a few beats, hoping his silence would make her look up. It did, and when she met his eyes he held her gaze as he spoke. “I told you Sam. Always.”
Despite his relatively rare use of her name, her smile was still sad and hesitant when she nodded her thanks silently. She started walking again.
“How was your brother when you saw him?” Jack asked. She’d spent almost a week in San Diego after the funeral, and he hadn’t had the chance to ask her how it had gone.
“Good I think. Considering. I think Mark felt lucky to have been able to mend the fences with Dad before he died. Although he was a little regretful of all the years they’d been apart, I think he viewed the situation in a more…peaceful frame of mind than he did a few years ago.” She fell silent, lost in her own thoughts and memories, and Jack had to fight the urge to pull his hand out of his pocket and pull her into his arms. It seemed to be the story of his life.
She chuckled softly, almost sadly, unaware of his inner turmoil. “It’s funny, because I feel the exact same way. This trip made me realize that Mark and I are more alike than I thought. And the kids were just so wonderful. You know how generous kids can be.”
Jack merely nodded. He did know.
“I’m glad I went,” she went on. “It felt like a special kind of closure. I’m closer to Mark’s family now than I ever was.”
“That’s good.”
She looked up then and met Jack’s eyes with a soft smile. “Yes, it is.”
It was Jack’s turn to stop walking and he looked down with a frown, trying to gather up the courage to say what he had to say. Really, he shouldn’t need courage to admit his feelings to the woman he loved, he reproached himself mentally. This shouldn’t be this hard - she had to know what he felt for her, how he had always felt. But actually saying the words out loud - after all this time - was a hell of a lot harder than subtly acknowledging vague feelings without the fear of consequences. This was the real thing and he didn’t want to mess it up. He vaguely noticed that she’d stopped walking too and was now facing him.
“Sir?”
He cleared his throat. “Since we seem to be on a roll here… I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you as well.” ‘There goes nothing,’ he thought as he inhaled “ and held his breath. “I’m retiring again.”
He raised his eyes to meet hers as he waited for the blow, but was taken aback at how…unsurprised… she looked. Her eyes were serious and contemplating him closely, but… definitely not surprised.
Jack tried to read her expression, but he really couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “What?” he asked, a little warily.
“I can’t say I blame you,” she responded at last and Jack couldn’t stop the disappointment that hit him. He’d figured she would understand what he had left unsaid; ‘I’m retiring again… so we can be together’. Or that at least she’d be vehemently against the idea, arguing something about the SGC needing him or some bullshit like that. But no. She just couldn’t blame him. It took a while for him to register that she’d started walking again, so he jogged to catch up with her.
“Carter, I must say I’m a little confused… I thought you-”
“No I mean, I understand, really, I do!” she interrupted. “The war with the Goa’uld is practically over and you feel you’ve done your part! I can understand that,” she explained as she kept on walking, her arms hugging herself. Jack couldn’t tell if her defensive posture was from the need for warmth or emotional protection. “I guess I even expected it, it’s just… I think I speak for everyone when I say you will be missed, sir.”
Jack’s frown deepened as he stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Carter what are you talking about? I thought you’d-” He sighed in frustration. “Carter part of the reason I’m doing this is so we can give this a chance!” he finally blurted out as his hand gestured between the two of them.
For a long second nothing happened as his words hung tense and loud in the air between them, but then her eyes widened and she staggered back slightly, doing one of the best impressions of a deer caught in headlights Jack had ever seen. Despite his frustration at his own lack of eloquence, Jack had the sudden and very inappropriate urge to laugh derisively as he realized that she hadn’t understood his intentions. At all. She was the smartest person he knew, how could she not have known?
When she didn’t seem on the way to formulate a response - or breathe, he figured he might as well start over and tell her properly. Or at least try. He sighed and met her eyes, slowly letting go of her arm.
“Look, you can’t seriously be surprised about this… But you’re right. I do feel like my job at the SGC is done. I’ve given it almost ten years of my life - some pretty amazing years, don’t take me wrong - but I just figure it’s time for me to take a break and concentrate on…other…stuff. When it comes down to it, more…important… stuff. Stuff I’ve been thinking about for years but always put on hold for reasons that I really don’t give a damn about anymore.”
“Fishing?” she suggested, her expression serious but with just a hint of teasing in the tiny raise of her eyebrow.
He gave a lopsided grin. “I guess you could call it that.” When her serious expression didn’t change, Jack shook his head apologetically. “No Carter, I’m not talking about fishing. And I think you know that.”
Her eyes widened a little bit more when he took a step towards her. “I’m talking about you…” He took another step and he could almost swear that she blushed at his invasion of her personal space, but he was thrilled when she didn’t back away. “And me…” His hand found its way out of his pocket despite all of his best intentions, “…and everything neither of us could ever admit given our working relationship and military ranks.” And the hand was touching the soft and cool skin of her cheek. The contact made her close her eyes with a sigh, sending a bolt of hope straight into his heart.
“God you’re really serious about this…” she whispered when she finally opened her eyes again, sounding both incredulous and terrified at once. For a moment he feared that he had gotten it all terribly wrong and that she was about to reject him, but then her hand moved to cover his on her cheek. “This is real?” she breathed so wistfully that Jack felt his heart tighten with emotion and a powerful need to protect her from the rest of the world. The galaxy even. Not that she would ever need him to. In fact she would probably kick his ass if he ever verbalized the feeling.
He tried not to grin at the hope that was starting to bubble up in his chest. “Well, now I guess it depends on what you mean by ‘real’. I’m no expert on the subject but apparently alternate realities and extraterrestrial forms are not outside the realm of possibility, so I can’t really say-”
“Jack,” she interrupted, the use of his first name pleasing him beyond… well, anything.
He smiled. “It’s real. If you want it to be.”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”
In all honesty Jack was taken a little aback by her quick response. Sam Carter never did anything impulsively. Which meant…
“You’re sure?” he asked, just to clarify.
Her lips quirked up slightly. “More than I can say.”
Her breathy reply hung in the silent space where their breath mingled between them. His hand still cupping her cheek, he continued staring into her eyes, allowing himself to look at her, really look at her in a way he hadn’t done in a long time.
And then…she smiled - a bright, full-blown, dimpled smile - and Jack understood that even though she hadn’t foreseen this moment, she had longed for it in the same way he had. How it was possible that someone like her would be interested in him was beyond him, and Jack doubted that he would ever stop marveling at the fact. And yet, there she was: Samantha Carter, smiling, eyes sparkling, moving her hand slowly from his wrist until it snaked around his neck and her nails trailed to the back of his head. That was all the encouragement he needed: he leaned in slowly, making sure to give her plenty of space to change her mind if she-
With one graceful move she met him halfway and before he knew it their lips met.
Holy crap! Their lips met…
Jack took at least a few milliseconds to register that this was really happening, but when he did he took another step closer and framed her face with both his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. The kiss was slow and tantalizing as Jack relished in the wonder of the moment. They may have known each other for a long time, but kissing Sam Carter felt new and still slightly forbidden, making it all the more real and important. Her incredibly soft lips tasted slightly of coffee and something sweet and addictive that he could spend a lifetime trying to identify. Relishing in everything that was her - her smell, her touch, her taste - he took his time in caressing her lips and she followed his pace, apparently enjoying this slow exploration just as much as he was.
Jack shivered when her arms wound around his neck and her fingers slid more fully into his hair, bringing her even closer into his embrace. She sighed against his mouth when their bodies came into full contact and the sensation of her hot breath against his lips sent a bolt of electricity all the way down to his toes. He took advantage of her opened lips to tentatively deepen the kiss, and she moaned in response.
The sensations that assaulted him then almost floored him, but still aware of a number of unresolved issues between them, he forced himself to pull away before it got out of hand and brought back his hands to frame her face, making her look up into his eyes. Her gaze was slightly confused when she met his, so he let his thumb caress her cheek. They were both panting heavily and she closed her eyes for a moment, resting her forehead against his cheek, obviously trying to regain some sort of composure. Jack caressed her cheek and when she looked up again, he couldn’t help himself.
“God Carter- I love you. You know I always have.”
Her eyes flashed with surprise and she let out a gaspy smile. Turning her head slightly but her eyes never leaving his, she kissed the palm that was still cupping her cheek. Her darkened eyes turned playful as her hand moved from his back to the back of his head. He shivered again as her fingernails raked through his short hair.
“Wow. For a man who takes pride in being ‘of very few words’,” she quipped with a smile, “you don’t seem to have any trouble finding them tonight.”
A small smile found its way to Jack’s lips but he kept the expression of his eyes serious. God he loved this woman! As cheesy as this sounded, he couldn’t remember when he had last felt anything resembling this kind of overflowing happiness. His heart actually felt like busting, but his joking tone was perfectly measured when he spoke. “Oh I don’t know, only takes three simple ones."
She grinned again and her thumb came to touch his eyebrow and the hair at his temple. He couldn’t help closing his eyes at the touch and at the way she herself seemed to marvel at the fact that she was allowed to do something like this. Didn’t she have any idea what that did to him?
“Not that I’m complaining, the opposite in fact, but what brought this on? Why now? Why tonight?” she asked curiously.
Jack shrugged. “Timing, I guess. It just seemed like the right time. Like we would be ready for this.” He met her eyes seriously again. “Don’t you think?”
She pulled away and turned to walk again, making Jack fear that maybe he’d pushed it too far. But then she stopped, smiled, and extended her hand. Jack took it with relief and interlaced their fingers, pulling her a little closer so that both his hands could hold hers.
“Yes, I agree,” she started in answer to his question as they resumed walking, “even though I won’t deny this might require some getting used to,” she tugged on his hands a little. “But I think deep down I’ve been ready for this for years.” She threw him a look. “But are you sure? Retirement?”
“Sounding too old for you Carter?”
She cocked her head to the side, deflecting the accusation with a smile.
“I’m sure. My letter’s already on Hammond’s desk. He asked me to consider it for a little longer before making my decision final.”
“So you were going to do it regardless of what happened between us,” she asked, though it sounded more like a statement. From her tone he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. He decided to go with honesty.
“I suppose, yeah. I mean I hoped you’d be on board with this, but I was ready either way.”
“So, no changing your mind?”
“Nope. No changing my mind.”
“In that case...” She stopped walking and with her cool hand against his neck pulled him down towards her. Jack felt his heart come alive when their lips touched for the second time. This time there was no first time hesitation, only wonder that this incredible woman was actually in his arms and enjoying it at least as much as he did. She pulled all too soon and threw him a smile before resuming her walk.
They walked in silence for a little while, Jack - he was sure - with a very goofy expression on his face. But he just couldn’t help it. He took her hand again, and it occurred to him “ not without some relief that this was really happening “ that the offensive piece of jewelry that had adorned her finger for a few months was now truly gone.
“Ask you a question?” he asked quietly.
“Yes, of course,” she replied brightly, apparently not suspecting that he intended to broach a relatively painful topic.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d broken it off with Pete when I drove you to the airport for your flight to San Diego? It was just the two of us, you could have said.”
As expected, her eyes clouded over, smile freezing on her face. Jack kicked himself for bringing this up now, but this was one of the things that he thought had to be talked about. When she disentangled their fingers and distanced herself,
Jack let her.
“You really want to talk about this now?”
Jack shrugged slightly. “No, not really?”
Though frustrated by his pointed look, she seemed to understand what he left unsaid: that they needed to talk about this. “Fine,” she gave in. “Well, the truth is, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you then. And now that I think of it, how did you find out?”
“Grapevine,” Jack suggested without even trying to disguise his lie.
More than a little familiar with his sense of humor, she narrowed her eyes, but Jack thought he could detect a glint of amusement in them. “Teal’c told you, didn’t he?”
Of course she had figured it out. Not that it was all that surprising; Teal’c had somehow always understood Jack’s feelings, and what is more he had always been supportive in his own, quiet way. After all he had witnessed most of their “moments” in a way that no one else had, not even Daniel.
Jack decided to maintain the humor with his answer: “Well, you know how Jaffas love to gossip.”
“Uh-huh,” she replied skeptically. After gazing at him for a long moment, she seemed to give in. “If you want the truth, I didn’t want to make the situation any more awkward than it already was. After what happened at your house I was embarrassed, and I didn’t want to come in the way of what you and Agent Johnson had going.”
Jack was truly surprised at this. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, of course! You’d been so supportive of my own relationship and everything, I was trying to do the same. But I think, I didn’t tell you mostly because I was scared.”
“Scared?” Jack repeated, a little incredulously. She never seemed afraid of anything.
“Terrified.”
“Of what?” Jack pressed gently, amazed that she was willing to admit so much.
“Change, I guess.” She stopped walking to turn to look at him. “Don’t you ever find change terrifying?”
“Sometimes,” Jack admitted. “But it doesn’t have to be.”
She smiled slightly. “Yes, I think I’m beginning to see that.”
“Good.” He paused for effect. “Cause I was thinking this would be the perfect time for a little hair make-over. What would you think of me going Hammond-style?”
________________________________________
After that Jack spent the rest of the walk lightening the mood by broaching less loaded topics such as potential hobbies for him to engage in as a retiree or what kind of dog he would finally get. It didn’t take very long for Sam to return to her earlier happy mood and join in the banter. And all the while they chatted about this and that, Jack marveled at the thought that she had actually agreed to give them a shot. Could this really be happening after all this time? Jack still had trouble believing it. And as she’d said, it would probably require some serious getting used to, but he had meant what he’d said too, he was ready for it. Whatever ‘it’ would turn out to be.
With her arms looped around his elbow as his hands rested in his pockets, they made it back to the cabin chatting quietly.
“Well, I didn’t see that one coming,” Daniel said slowly as he stood from the chair he’d been occupying by the night lamp on the patio.
Out of habit Jack and Sam quickly disentangled, but it was already too late. He threw a look at Carter and, seeing her biting back a laugh, he let himself relax. They might as well tell them, he thought as he stepped closer to her again and, with a hand on her back, led her to the cabin where Daniel was still observing them, perplex.
“Did you truly not foresee this Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c’s voice came from the shadowed part of the patio. Jack hadn’t noticed him sitting in the dark. Daniel only stared a while longer.
Jack shared a look with Sam. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he was a little worried that Daniel wouldn’t be happy for them. If he really hadn’t seen it coming, then it would be normal for him to feel a little shoc-
His thoughts were interrupted by Daniel’s snort: “I’m just kidding guys! Of course I knew! I’ve known since…well, probably before you two even realized.”
“You have?” Jack asked, a little skeptical. “’Cause, I don’t know, I’ve known for a really long time.” Daniel had always been very perceptive, true, but he’d never said anything about it to let them know he…knew.
“You have?” Sam’s surprised voice chimed in, distracting him from Daniel’s smartass grin.
He threw her a quick look. “Sure. Haven’t you?”
She was saved from answering by Daniel. “I’m happy for you guys,” he said as he made his way to meet them. “Really. You deserve it.” He enfolded Sam in a hug.
“Thanks,” she replied as she pulled away and moved to embrace Teal’c, who had approached as well.
Jack finally smiled and followed them onto the patio where Daniel offered him his hand to shake. “To retirement?” Daniel suggested after grabbing four beer bottles from the table and handing Jack a couple.
Jack picked one and handed another to Carter as she found her way by his side again, smiling into his eyes before redirecting her gaze to Daniel. They raised their bottles and clinked them together.
“To retirement.”
Jack was about to take a sip when something occurred to him. “Daniel,” he started slowly, “how did you know I was thinking of retiring?”
“You’re just that predictable, Jack,” he replied snarkily, but then glanced at Teal’c.
“No, actually, I can’t take the credit for this one: Teal’c guessed first.”
When three pairs of eyes shifted to him, Teal’c held his chin higher. “Indeed. And for my guessing correctly I believe you now owe me 50 dollars, Daniel Jackson.”
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