Memories Past by Jemma Rhodes

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Story Notes: Hmmm.lets just say my muse is on a bit of a role at the moment, and I'm bored silly!! So here we go.and little friendship fic for ya!! J For Rachel. Will miss you hun!! See you on Friday!

Season: One

Spoilers: The First Commandment

We all made it back to the SGC OK.

Debriefed General Hammond and were dismissed for our weekend's downtime. Thank god.

I know, I know. I was the one who broke off the engagement, but I was also the one who couldn't end it when I had the chance. Jonas literally asked me to do it. To end the pain buried so far beneath the facade of a god. But I couldn't. That last remaining bit of feeling I had for that man stopped me ending his pain.

Entering the locker room I check to make sure its empty, then strip off my extremely over worn clothes of the day. Opening my locker I grab the towel hanging on the back of the door and wrap it around my body, almost running in my haste to get to the showers and wash away the dirt, dust and pain of the last couple of days. Reaching the showers I step into one of the cubicles and turn the water on until the steam is billowing out into the rest of the room. Dropping the towel from my body and onto the floor I step under the steaming water, its pounding instantly doing its job of rejuvenating me. Closing my eyes and bracing my hands on the wall opposite me, I think back to memories past.

*

Hammond had asked me to stay behind a few minutes so he could ask me some "private" questions. Turns out those private questions had to do with Carter and why she was walking around like her arm has been cut off. The only answer I could give him was that she was a bit cut up about Jonas being thrown to his death an' all that. He seemed to accept this and gave me permission to go shower. Thank god for small miracles. That stuff I rubbed on me to infiltrate Jonas' slave camp did NOT smell good.

I whistle as I walk along the corridor to the locker room, my thoughts straying to Carter and what she's been through over the past day or so. I think she accepted what I told her back on the planet, but there was a part of her, no matter how much she tried to hate Jonas in the end, that was grieving for him. To be honest, I would have been worried if she hadn't off been.

Opening the door to the locker room I step in.into steam.

*

Switching off the shower, I reside myself to the fact that no matter how much water I use, it won't wash away the tears. Grabbing my towel from its discarded position on the floor, I rub myself vigorously before wrapping it around myself and strolling back to the lockers to find some tissues. A gasp jerks me from my muse.

*

'Colonel!'

'Carter!'

Good god he looks more shocked than I do, and he's wearing clothes. OK, divert attention from the horribly awkward situation.say something.

'What are you doin here sir?'

'Same thing as you,' he replies nodding towards the shower stalls.

'Ah, well I'll be out of your way in just a minute sir.'

He goes from looking embarrassed to concerned, and I know he can tell I've been crying.

'Carter, you OK?'

'Yes sir,' I reply evenly, heading to my locker to grab my BDU's.

As I reach for the door of the locker he cuts me off with a hand on my wrist.

'Truth please Carter.'

I sigh gently and lower my hand as he releases his grip. Turning my head I look directly up at him.

'I've been better sir.'

'That's what I thought.'

He turns, walks over to the wooden bench and sits down. Looking back to me he motions with his hand for me to join him, and I know there's no escape. We're gonna have this conversation, and we're gonna have it now.

Unconsciously pulling my towel a little tighter, I slowly walk over and sit down opposite him. I know I'm looking uncomfortable, but I see calmness in his face as he begins to speak.

'You remember what I said to you on the planet Carter?'

'Yes sir.'

'They're the exact words my best friend said to me when I first shot someone in cold blood. Back when I was a Captain. Back when I thought the world was actually a good place. After that I realised things weren't so hot.'

I don't really know what to say to him so I just stay silent and look at him expectantly to continue. He suddenly seems to go shy, but repeats his words from earlier.

'Killing a man is no badge of honour Captain. Just remember that.'

'I will sir'.

'Good. You gonna be OK?'

'Sure. It's just, well, you see I.'

'Still had feelings for him,' he finishes.

'Yeah,' I reply softly, catching his eyes in a penetrative glance.

'You'll be OK Sam,' he says quietly as he reaches down to touch my hand where it rests in my lap. Looking down at his hand on top of mine, I know he's right. He squeezes ever so gently to emphasise his point. Looking back to him I smile slowly.

'Thank you sir.'

'Your welcome Carter.'

Having kept his hand on mine a little longer than totally necessary, he removes it slowly and stands up. I mimic his actions and face him, smiling gently. Thanking him silently in a way I know he understands. He breaks our silence with a quiet voice.

'So, you comin out for a drink tonight?'

'With you?'

'Yeah.and Danny of course.'

I must say I'm slightly relieved we wont be totally alone. Since the little incident last month that involved me jumping him, I've become more aware of my feelings and the Air Force regulations. It's not a problem at the moment, but who knows what the future holds? None of us do.

'Sure thing sir.'

'O'Malley's? 2100?'

'I'll see you there.'

He turns to leave. I know he hasn't forgotten about his shower, he's just left to save me the embarrassment of having to ask him to leave so I can change. I do so quickly and leave the confines of the room and the base. I know things are gonna be tough for the next few days, but I also know that I have my friends with me, and that the memories of Jonas won't haunt me for long.

***

End Notes: That's it!! I've done it!! Finito!! Hope you've enjoyed it, and as always....FEEDBACK me!!! J

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