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STATUS: complete



SEASON/SEQUEL INFO: During Season 3 - after 'Fair Game' but before 'Shades of Grey'

SERIES: Best Served Cold - Part 2

RATING: PG-13, some bad language

CONTENT WARNING: Bribery and corruption!

ARCHIVED: Heliopolis, Sam-and-Jack Archives, otherwise ask!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The girls are back from their Girls' Day Out, and they're not happy campers!

The women have been acting strange lately.

Since the other day when Jack sent out the UAV to spy on them.

Daniel was watching from the control room as the women came back in laughing, chattering twos and threes with their backpacks, the supply wagon, and the downed UAV. He saw one of the marines get a friendly punch in the shoulder when he said something to one of the women, and he saw Sam's encounter with the Colonel. Not much was said - not much needed to be said.

*Oh, Jack. You're really in for it now!*

But nothing's happened yet.

Most of the men believe that the women aren't going to retaliate.

Daniel knows better.

Hell hath no fury like a group of women whose privacy has been invaded.

It's just a matter of time.

The corridors of the SGC are.well.not exactly tense, but certainly not where you want to be right now. Which is why Daniel's in his office, bent over his research and happily losing himself in the study of the glyphs they found in an ancient temple on P6G-119. They look like Hindi script, but the sentence structure isn't from that culture at all. He's trying to pin it down now.

The door opens and shuts, but he's so involved in his studies he barely looks up.

When he does, he blinks.

Four women are standing around his desk. Sam and Janet are in the centre, Peta Meridian is grinning at him like a cheshire cat, and the small dark girl - Helena something? One of the scientists? - is watching him from equally dark eyes.

Okay.what's this about.

"Daaaaaniel," Janet practically purrs. "We want a little information from you."

*Uh-oh.* "What?" He regards them guardedly.

"Just a few questions," Sam says airily.

"Like who suggested the UAV flight." Captain Meridian eyes him smilingly, "And which tape they recorded it on."

"Which technicians helped out, and which men watched the 'show'."

"Apart from Colonel O'Neill of course," the dark girl says very quietly. "We know he was involved."

"Why me?"

"Because you were the only man on this base who protested, Daniel."

"Not all the guys watched it." He feels honour-bound to point that out. Not all the men are culpable, although at least Jack and Makepeace are.

Sam smiles. "We know that. We just want the ringleaders."

Fair enough. His only concern is that if it gets out that he squealed, his name will be mud around the base.

"And what do I get out of this?"

"We won't get you." Peta offers.

He wasn't involved anyway, so he doesn't deserve to be punished. "Not good enough. What else?"

Janet is the one who answers, "Next time you end up in my infirmary for a post-gate inspection - I promise I'll use the small needles.instead of the big ones I'm saving for the Colonel." Her expression is distinctly gleeful, and Daniel wants to shudder. If that isn't incentive, then he doesn't know what is!

The dark girl pulls something from her jacket and displays it. It's a small silver bag, which she opens with a flick of her fingers. The scent of something dark and irresistible wafts out. "Jamaican coffee beans, Dr. Jackson. The expensive kind." Her smile is small and sweet as she passes the bag under his nose. "The *very* expensive kind."

Okay, so maybe there's something here.

"And if that isn't enough incentive, Daniel," Sam places her hands on the desk and leans forward with an evil glint in her eyes, "Tell us what we need to know, and I *won't* tell Airman Henessee that you've been harbouring a secret crush on her for the last two years."

He stares at her, "You wouldn't!"

She smiles.

*Shit.* She would.

He never had a sister until he met Sam. Occasionally, he's had reason to be grateful. This is one of those times.

He's cornered. "What do you want?"

"Whose idea was it?"


"But the Colonel authorised it, right?" Sam watches him nod. "I guess Sergeant Hayman, Corporal Tennyson, and Corporal Vaden were the technicians?" Another nod. "Which men watched the longest?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there for that long. Came in to see what the fuss was about, left after a few minutes." He thinks a moment. "Ferretti was there when I first came in, and when the UAV went down." He grinned, "That was impressive sabotage, Sam."

"Who else?"

A sigh. He is going to be so dead if this ever gets out. His ashes, once the men have burned him in effigy and person, won't be worth five cents. "Jack, Makepeace, Ferretti, Devlin, and Connor were the big guns. Most of their teams were in here - all of Makepeace's marines were. Teal'c and I weren't, Ferretti's 2IC was off-base, the two quiet ones on Devlin's team looked and went, and the redhead on Connor's never showed up at all.some of the SFs took a look, most went back to their posts." He shrugs, "Look, it was pretty crowded in there, and I wasn't there that long."

"The leaders of SG-1, SG-2, SG-3, SG-6, and SG-11." Peta arches a brow at Janet. "I think we have our winners, ladies."

Janet smiles. The woman has an evil streak the size of Texas. "Remind me to get the big needles out the next time those teams come in for a post-gate."

*Remind me never to make Janet mad.*

"Do you think we have enough?"

"I think we have the ringleaders." Sam smiles, "That's all we need."

"No, we have one more thing," the dark girl speaks. "What tape did the UAV flight get recorded on?"

He holds up his hands. "I have no idea. They number them incrementally, so it would be the one after the last UAV planet exploration. P8L-931 or P8L-934, I think."

"Check it out, Helena. The tapes are kept in storage G-12 on level 22. They're not allowed off-base."

"Some of the men may have it privately."

"They still have to sign them out, and Gresham in requisitions is a born paper-pusher. He'll have the details of it." Sam's expression is malevolent. "Along with the names of the men who've taken it out. Get them, too."

"What do you have in mind?" He has to know. He *wants* to know.

She gives him her best wide-eyed look. "That would be telling."

"Sam, I just put my reputation on the line, I think I'm entitled to some return." He wheedles as best he can, but she won't tell him.

"Look, Daniel. We don't know what we're going to be doing. Not completely anyway." She smiles, sweet and malicious, "But it's gonna be *good*!"

*Oh, Jack, you're in shit so deep, I don't think an excavator could get you out.*

The thought gives him some satisfaction. He's gotten a lot of crap from the men about the base lately on account of the Girls' Day Out. "I do have one request, though, ladies."

"And that would be.?"

"If the humiliation involves Makepeace, I want to see the results."

The women look at each other, "Doesn't sound unreasonable," Peta concedes. "You're on."

He rubs his hands together: "Excellent."

"I think we have the information we need," Janet concludes, and Sam gives him one of her brilliant smiles.

"Thanks, Daniel!"

"You're welcome in *my* digs anytime, Dr. Jackson." That's Captain Meridian, of course. He flushes, and Helena giggles.

"Have a good day, Dr. Jackson." Janet winks at him as she leaves the room, pulling the door shut behind her. She doesn't pull hard enough, because the door springs open a little, making Daniel privy to the conversation that continues once they're in the corridor.

"We'll have to pick a good time."

"Give it a few weeks - we'll let them believe they're out of the woods."

"Hey, is that photo developed yet?"

"Sure is, hon!"

"How does it look?"

"Let's just say that if we sent it into any modelling agency, they'd be all over Sam in an instant."

"If we showed it to any *male*, they'd be all over Sam in an instant."

"I still can't believe you talked me into."

"That bikini was simply *you*, Sam."

"I felt like an idiot."

"You looked like a pin-up!"

"Honey," Peta drawls, "You never looked better. Any man who sees that is guaranteed an instant heart-attack."

".better hope he's got a strong constitution."

Their laughter rings down the hall.

Daniel frowns.



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